True Blood

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A-
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In Rhythm & Sorrow

The body-part lady makes the mistake of telling Jason he's "the responsible party" w/r/t to Sookie's organs, which terrifies him more than anything in the whole world; when he cries "I ain't responsible!" it's not just about his refusal to accept responsibility, though; it's also about responsibility for her, when every time he's tried to help her he's just made it worse. Lafayette tells the lady to turn blue, in other words, and Alcide -- again with the making us like a guy by showing equality/respect with Lafayette -- goes off to tend the lady's feelings. (And, of course, so this bizarre family of four orphans can have their scene.)

Magical mystery music starts playing when they talk about how Jason does have a blood type, which he knows because he's always fucking up with chainsaws and power tools, but that Sookie has never been sick and also wasn't born in the hospital. She was born on the kitchen table and Jason saw his mother's "more than I cared to," and isn't that a coincidence because both she and Boyfriend Jesus show a high level of something called midichlorians.

Tara has filled Jason in on how they found her, and they discuss whether it was Bill's drinking that took away her blood type, or Sookie drinking his blood that did it. (Interestingly, it's Jason that starts on this train of thought, because V was a life-changer for him and probably he's always wondered if her experience was like his; also probably they did not have the related "Did you ever just start masturbating on somebody's porch?" conversation.) Note how Tara is like, "I kicked him out in the sun! He is ash, now, just like Franklin! I am the worst Vampire Slayer of all time!"

They talk about how much they hate poor Bill for awhile -- activating, we note from the previews, a new way Jason can be Sookie's hero (or Hero, since it's always all about Jason) -- and then both start yelling at Sookie's coma about how they "fucking need her" until Lafayette finally tells them to stop cursing at her and calm down.

At this point let me tell you upfront everyeffinthang goes fucking B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

Magical Dream Sookie, with fresh as a daisy makeup and no wounds, wakes up in a shiny Magical Dream Hospital, which is deserted and smells like Kokomo. Picking up a crystal chalice and drawn forward by the laughter of children and rose petals and birds twirking, Sookie is drawn to a shining door -- Bad idea, Coma Girl! -- and before she steps through, she is joined by a radiant, beautiful creature (Claudine) who is super-shiny, super-sexy and maddeningly vague.

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True Blood

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