True Blood

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 5 USERS: A
I Woke Up & One Of Us Was Crying


Sookie and her many hot boyfriends tracked Russell to some kind of Silent Hill abandoned hospital, where Alcide got some wolf cramps or something. Tara got carried away and nearly murdered Hoyt, so now she and Jessica are having a baby vampire fight. Terry Bellefleur and his buddy Patrick are having demon troubles, as is Lafayette -- not to mention Jesus's issues beyond the grave, which are affecting both Lala and his mama. Somehow the God Hates Fangs type have found out about shifters, and managed to take down both Luna and Sam. The Authority are always having meetings about various things, while Jason's having trouble reconciling his newfound fear and hatred of vampires with... his like entire character arc over the last four seasons.


One of Russell's crackhead werewolves is to blame for Alcide's immediate issue, but for some reason he's content to just get dragged around by a werewolf instead of turning into a wolf. One good reason for him to do that would be that the werewolf is dragging him by the pants, and wolves do not wear pants.

The Boys: "I guess we have to go deal with Alcide and his pants! But first, we are being attacked by other crackhead werewolves who are hiding in the morgue drawers!"
Russell: "Which leaves you alone with me, Sookie Stackhouse. I seem to be feeling much better than I originally let on!"
Faerie Hands: Zap!
Eric: "Now I'm going to kill you, Russell! Just kidding, like always I am just going to stand here talking about it until somebody does something."
Bill: "Ah will be that somebody, Eric. Thank about it."

Bill's got a stake to Eric's back all of a sudden, and his logic is now about how, instead of killing Russell being their last act, they should just use him as a negotiating chit with the Authority. Aw man, and here I really thought the two male leads of the entire show were going to die in this episode, at the hands of a crackhead werewolf cult from Mississippi.

Vampire SWAT: Comes rappelling and zooming in from just everywhere.
Chancellor Candyman: "Also, that whole deal is moot because we have been tailing you this whole time. Obviously."


Tara throws Jessica out of the washrooms and into the middle of the bar, which is where everything always happens. First of all, you're an employee; secondly, Pam has to freakin' pay for those insurance premiums. But most of all, Jessica is in the right. You were about to kill Hoyt. I don't know how much blood is in Hoyt, but it's got to be twice the amount of a regular-size boy. That is you being greedy, my dear.

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True Blood




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