True Blood
Hopeless

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 5 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
I Woke Up & One Of Us Was Crying

From now on whenever they say "supe," I'm going to assume they are talking about Chicken & Stars, or Alphabet. The growing threat of Hot & Sour.

Sam, as Junior expires: "That's for Emory and Suzanne, you human piece of shit. They were boring, but they were people."
Andy: "All this anti-human talk is getting kind of weird. I mean, even from my privileged perspective, you're sounding pretty retrograde."

FANGTASIA!

Rough Trade Vamp: "Hoyt, you are really taking this self-destruction thing too far. I think for your own sake, you should stop letting me feed on you in this bi-curious way, and just go home."
Hoyt: "I am not into examining my choices right now. Continue."
RTV: "Okay, I'm just saying."

But then right before Hoyt dies from the utterly unexpected hotness of this occurrence in some nasty alley, the Obama Crew shows up, explodes the guy he's fangbanging, and then they're like, "Oh my God, Hoyt Fortenberry?" I mean, how embarrassing. Right? Sleeveless vest, necktie, looking like the Merry Old Land of Oz letting some vamp bro suck you off in an alley, and then who shows up but your old high school buddies. And there's you, covered in V from the dude that just exploded, too out of it from blood loss to even make up a passable excuse.

FAIRYLAND!

Sookie: "Sorry about Claudine, by the way. You know, how my boyfriend ate her on my lawn that time."
Claude: "No prob. I got sixteen more sisters where that came from. She chose her fate, like we all do."
Sookie: "Cool. So anyway, we gotta get out of here. Hey, Hadley, did you or Hunter eat any of that glowing Ikea fruit?"
Claude: "We don't do that. That was a Queen Mab thing, the whole stealing people and babies and whatever. The real situation is, this strip club is not actually in Faerie. Faerie is all closed up like we said last time. Everybody who thinks Mab sucks just came here. So Hadley's fine."
Hadley: "Yeah, it's cool. I just kind of do whatever people tell me all the time."

Jason asks about the vampire that killed their parents, and both Hadley and Claude start projecting like crazy about how it's supposed to be this weird secret. Finally, Claude opens his mouth and tells a story that Claudine told him, which is very fucked up: They were stopped on that bridge the night the river rose because a vampire smelled something in the backseat of their car. A Band-Aid, chock full of Sookie's blood.

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True Blood

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