Russell brings Sookie and Bill home from Alcide's, tossing the latter awhile before handing him over to Lorena (who is now just stealing dialogue directly from old >Buffy episodes, like, verbatim -- not that it sticks out, in what turns out to be a fairly cliché-laden, lazy script, for having such great moments), and taking Sookie upstairs for a scary little détente in which she admits she has no idea what she is or what she is doing. But the revelation that Bill's been keeping a creepy dossier on her -- and thus, the last two seasons may well have been a very complicated, nasty lie -- does nothing to stop her single-minded quest to save him while yelling his name as many times and locations as possible.
Meanwhile, Lorena and Bill have a very long, very ridiculous conversation/torture session packed with retardo gems like "Even as you face the true death I will be inside you" and "A girl who once marveled in the beauty of all life now delights in bringing pain and horror to every moment" and "Only then will I be truly free of the disease that is you!" Since she can't kill him herself, Lorena hands Bill over to Coot and Debbie, as a sort of buffet for junkie werewolves.
Life is more complicated for old Eric, who is still trying to I guess nail Russell for killing his Viking family or whatever, but needs his help saving Pam first. This means being really mean to Sookie, both in public and alone -- because Viking revenge is, like, way more important than nailing a waitress just to piss off Bill Compton -- and continuing his seductions of Russell and Talbot. Russell takes him to Sophie-Anne's, where Eric offers to twist her head off for framing him once the Magister came calling, but Russell finally gets her to agree to marry him.
Bon Temps sucks this week: Jessica feeds on a bitchy customer right under Arlene's racist nose, while Tommy disappears and Sam somehow randomly figures out that Joe Lee's been betting on his wife and son in underground dogfights. Jason's new girlfriend is affianced in Hotshot, probably to her brother or something, and pretends not to know who he is -- after blue-balling him at the river and sniffing the air like a shifter -- so Jason has no other choice than to get all aggressive with poor Kitch Maynard some more.
Jesus and Lafayette spend a lot of time playing pool and listening to music from the Sex & The City finale, I guess because Talbot explained to them what being gay is supposed to be like. In the middle of their attempts at and failures to make out, though: Jesus's mother was raped, so nobody knows who his father is and obviously he is at least half-supe (they even make sure to remind you that his name can also be pronounced the other way, like a certain carpenter who nobody knew who his Dad was and liked to hang out with hookers) and also, he: Is a surprisingly devout practitioner of Santeria, is very good at helping Lafayette beat up Hotshot homophobes, and does not date drug dealers, or people who do V. Being told how interesting someone is, that's a little different from finding them interesting. Hey, Jesus, do you have any more new character quirks or traits? In addition to these fifty?
The Franklin & Tara Show continues to be absolutely amazing, as she talks him into untying her, letting her feed -- "Kill me hard!" he screams at one point -- and then falling asleep. She sends Sookie a mental message to get ready, grabs a mace off the wall, and beats Franklin's head in. They cut loose, Sookie goes looking for Bill, and Tara runs into Alcide. Instead of asking him to bench-press her, which is the first thing any sane person would do, she asks if they can use his car to get Bill out of there. We can only hope that having your brains bashed out is just as safe for vamps as having their necks fakely twisted around, but I'm sure he'll just think it was foreplay or something.
Finally -- once Debbie and Coot have drunk their fill -- Sookie finds Bill in the barn and says his name like one billion times and talks a lot about saving him but then doesn't save him. Instead, Lorena, who apparently is just impervious to the Bleeds this year because it's the goddamn middle of the day, attacks Sookie and drinks deep.
Pretty sure the bad thing happens next. Other than that, it's the halfway point, which means things will start winding back the other way, people in control losing control and vice versa, the chain thing finally gets explained, new guardians introduced and old secrets revealed, Hadley returns, Sophie-Anne's in a cage, Jesus is something or another, and you probably wouldn't believe who lands Sookie in the hospital if I told you to your face.Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Russell drags Sookie back into the Compound foyer, with Bill in custody behind. It is very dramatic and slow-motion, as all the players come zooming in: Lorena in her lovely ruffled top, Eric in that sweater, Talbot just sort of stand around. The guard tosses Bill to the floor, and Russell hands Sookie over to Talbot. Lorena stresses out to a certain extent, although Talbot's not hugely surprised that Bill is not for real. Bill stakes the massive guard, and then jumps on Russell's head; it is very surprising to see him do this, but Russell's apparently 3000 years old, so he tosses Bill up into the ceiling, which means that shrieking Talbot now has two problems: The pile of former guard on the floor, and untold damage to the ceiling frescoes. Wonder if he'll ever stop screaming.
Russell thinks the whole thing is super funny, because Bill is just a baby, and then Eric jumps in front of Sookie before she can yell Bill's name a whole bunch of times. Talbot's still staring at the ruined ceiling, because that's as deep as Talbot goes. Bill begs Eric to get Sookie out of there, but instead he pretends that he has no idea what Sookie is or what she's up to. All he'll say, which serves his interests in several ways, is that whatever it is, it's clearly valuable. Sookie is so dumbfounded -- there are vampires that don't adore and worship her? -- that she stops saying Bill for a second and thinks about yelling Eric a bunch of times instead.
"Eric, what the fuck?" she shouts, and Eric does a whole flirty thing with Russell about how he hasn't tasted her but he's sure she's delicious, and she yells at him for awhile and Eric does his whole mincing act some more -- which would be annoying, but comes off just overplayed and desperate because of his two agendas of saving Pam and then killing Russell -- which Talbot does not like one bit. Russell, you can't tell with him. He seemed to think Bill was the bee's for a few days now, and that was clearly its own kind of farce, so who knows? Certainly not Talbot, who looks from one to the other and then starts yelling about "our home" in a way that seems equally threatened by Russell and Eric's vibe -- from both directions -- and the fact that nobody's commiserating about the damage to the house.
Talbot stalks off bitching in Greek, throwing Russell off to the point that he remembers to stop flirting with Eric just long enough to send Bill to "the slave quarters" so that Lorena can kill him to death. Nobody is that happy with this plan, but Russell -- throwing his Kingly weight around, terribly scary for a moment -- knows that she'll draw it out as long as possible in the hopes that she can torture Bill until he loves her again, at which point she'll be broken either way.