Infos exposed: Lafayette was born in Bon Temps and has lived lots of places, but either he's not done with it or it is not done with him. Jesus was born in -- and I highly recommend you click this link -- Catemaco, Veracruz Mexico, and dragged all over the place by his mami, from Texas to Uruguay to Portugalto Montreal. On the papi front -- and yes, the awkward way these two talk to each other in this episode makes you feel just as white and embarrassing as you think -- there is none, because Mami was... RAPED.
So if you are keeping score, nobody knows who Jesus's father is. Although I'm sure his variety of carpenter stepdads tried their best.
"Makes all those jokes your mom cracks about me raping her that much funnier," Jesus smiles, but also: A half-human santero that works as a nurse? No wonder they picked the biggest hottie they could find, that is awesome. Lafayette is oddly comforted by the whole child-of-rape scenario, being that his family is a sort of horrible vortex of weird shit, and admits that he thought Jesus was the old "Satan in a Sunday hat" scenario their family's always so worried about. Jesus calls attention to his name and declares himself "the polar opposite of Satan," which means hopefully we won't get more of those syncretist elisions like last year's Dionysus/Horned God/Satan nonsense, because that confused a lot of people, and pissed off tons more. (In fact, maybe Jesus can help untangle that this year?)
Jesus asks to kiss Lafayette, and Lafayette kind of jerks back, and Jesus apologizes for not just going for it, but then instead of going for it he tells Lafayette about his first-date rule, and then instead of going for it they talk about how sometimes he doesn't follow that rule, and then instead of going for it they talk about how maybe they should follow that rule, and then instead of going for it they talk about how they're going to for it, maybe, and then instead of going for it they lean closer and closer and slower and slower and just when you're like, "Maybe this is sexy but I don't think so," they talk about how Lafayette is "feeling something all kind of intense," and then instead of going for it they talk about how ambiguous that intensity may be, and then instead of going for it they get just comically close to each other's faces, like one of those Greek paradox things where the turtle never gets there, and finally Jesus admits that he is "getting kind of hard" just by looking at Lafayette which is what you call a deal-closer, but then instead of going for it they stare at each other some more and then they finally kiss for one whole half-second. The awkward end.