True Blood

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B- | 1 USERS: A-
Dazzler & Le Bad Boy

Russell isn't a fan of Lorena by any stretch, but this is actually a brilliant way of taking her off the board long enough to deal with his new toy: Her Bill obsession is a thorn in his side, and the greatest thing about Russell, as a King, is turning his weaknesses into advantages. She'll get what she wants, and it'll destroy her, and either way his rule will be strengthened by the demonstration of what happens if he doesn't love you. He leaves Eric and the guards to deal with the other messes, and goes off to tend Talbot's hurt feelings. Open marriages are like so imaginary.

Lorena gets a face full of Sookie's bullshit, and reminds her of how she's always sort of wanted to murder Sookie real hard, but then makes a mistake: Pissing Eric off by noting that Sookie was only saved in Dallas by "that sanctimonious little prick Godric." She scoots to hang out with Bill -- and get out of the reach of Eric's fangs -- and then left alone, Sookie spits at Eric about how he better be fucking pretending or else she'll stomp her feet and speech him ad nauseam. That is a threat you don't take lightly.

But -- Sookie being absolutely at the bottom of the list right now -- Eric recapitulates Bill's whole move here, and says that nobody smart would ever try to play the King, so therefore he is being an asshole in reality. As he hustles her off to a library, Sookie asks him about all his million other things going on, and he's like: "Exactly, so shut up so I can think." He has no problem with extra variables, but things just started moving very fast. Meanwhile, of course, Sookie goes into her usual begging/demanding mode, and he wraps one giant hand around her face to shut her up. Behind his hand, Sookie is still going.

A very familiar actress with lovely blue eyes who I can't figure out right now is giving Arlene the business over at Merlotte's, with curlers in her hair and a serious attitude problem: "And what is your vegetable of the day? And how are those prepared?" Arlene, frustrated and at the end of her already usually short fuse, finally sighs. "Those are dumped out of a can into a big pot, and heated up. I mean, where do you think you are, lady, Red Lobster?" The woman gives her all kinds of shit about it and threatens to snatch Arlene's "cheap dyed hair" right off her head. I would love just once to see Arlene in a fistfight with like Maxine or something, hissin' and spittin' and feelings all hurt.

On the other side of the bar, Jesus and Lafayette are still playing pool on their marathon date and making weirdly dated sex references -- "That sucked, and not in a good way" -- and Arlene tosses down the old bitch's order: "Curlers over there wants the chicken fried steak, extra gravy on the side, extra mash, no veggies." Lafayette assumed he was off the clock, what with Sam and Tommy going home and getting into their whole deal with Joe Lee, but I guess not. Jesus offers to help, cringingly suggesting that cooking is only one of his many, many talents, which I don't know if you picked up on what he means but he what he means is that he is also good at fucking dudes. In addition to cookery.

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True Blood




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