True Blood

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B- | 1 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
Dazzler & Le Bad Boy

I'm gonna miss Franklin, not that I think for a second that worked. Lorena's head was twisted all the way around and blood was shooting out her mouth and she still had the wherewithal to giggle and coo. Tara grabs her shit and leaves with a quickness.

Jason puts on his most flattering jeans and his letter jacket and heads on over to Hotshot with a bouquet, having somehow figured out where Crystal lives. (Jacket: Why? Maybe part of this is time travel, and all the things he should have done out of high school like normal people do, like he would have done, if there weren't something wrong about him.) A Hotshot dude -- all bruised up from Lafayette, and possibly Eric the night before that -- answers the phone and laughs cruelly at him: "Babe, somebody here to see you."

She yells at him when she comes to the door -- their house is so sad, buddy -- and tells him she's never seen him before, he is a dumbass, this guy is her fiancé and probably her brother, and then they redneck yell at him for awhile, and of course this all takes hella long because Jason is super dumb, so it's maximum awkward, but he finally leaves. Crystal backs away from the door and shuts it, looking out, like she's locking herself in. Like Beauty, trapped up there with the Beast, hoping love will be enough.

Tara scrounges up a big bowl of almonds, inspired by last night's lily dinner, and puts on an apron over her silk robe. She looks pretty great without all that blood everywhere; also, how scary must it have been to creep through that whole mansion knowing that almost everybody in it was dead? Don Swayze's at Sookie's door, and Tara is scared of his werewolf muscle but still tasking on V, so she saunters up and yells at him about how she better get in there for the delivery or else Talbot will be pissed, which will piss off Russell, which means no blood for werewolves. Somewhere between that threat and her intense alpha behavior, he lets her in. Of course, Sookie is waiting by the door with something heavy so that when Tara asks him where she went, Sookie can brain him. Then, I think, they beat him half to death.

(Bill-flinging, Bill-torture, Swayze beatings, Franklin-brainings... You're right, this show is totally sexist in the way it graphically portrays violence against women! That's not facile and pointless at all!)

Many minutes later, when they have bathed in Don Swayze's blood and brain bits and little shards of ribs, Tara grabs Sookie and heads for the hills; Sookie avoids saying Bill's name but only by asking what the hell Tara's up to. "Killing vampires and saving your ass, I'll fill you in later." You left out the part about not talking about Bill for five seconds, but I guess you'll figure that out soon enough. You'd think Sookie would just be amazed that somebody's acting ballsier than she does. I'm so proud of Tara, for all of this, but I think especially for the blood-drinking, because that is probably the one thing I'm not sure I would have been able to accomplish.

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True Blood

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