True Blood

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B- | 1 USERS: A-
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Dazzler & Le Bad Boy

Post-Jesus, Lafayette is feeling motherfucking snappy this morning and he does not need your help understanding the basics of cocksucking breakfast thank you very fucking much. But this is only the latest in a series of times already today that Arlene has been stepped on by those around her. For e.g., what did she see on her way to work but them nasty Mickenses absconding with a pitbull from his house itself, which directly contravenes Sam's No Pets Not Even A Hamster For Little Coby And Lisa rule, but then I guess that's how pet-based nepotism works. Of course, Sam knows that this means his brother has been abducted, so he runs out on Arlene mid-bitch, which makes three times Arlene has been disrespected this morning. But I think she'll recover: "Damn," she says, "Everybody's ignoring me today." (So if there are no other waitresses, does she just work triple-shifts at all times? Why is she doing breakfast? There is so much I do not understand about Merlotte's.)

Where in the world is that pokey little puppy? Where in the world is he? Where could the puppy be? Where could the puppy be? By the time Sam finishes singing that song and rooting through his trailer and I guess smelling the air, he has somehow done figured it out.

Tara's trying to explain about how if they can just find one of Russell's gold-dipped automobiles and hotwire it, they can drive over any werewolves that give chase, and furthermore... Wait, Sookie's got something to say. What's that, Stackhouse? Four letters, starts with "B" and ends with "eeeeeeeeel"?

Tara explains that, among other disturbing behaviors, Bill was most recently spotted covered in blood and telling the King of Mississippi to kill her, while she was tied to a chair in the parlor right over there. Now, I'm not one to hold a grudge, but it seems to me that declaring yourself unwilling to risk your life to save his quote "dead ass," that would be understandable. "He may not be dead," Sookie says, not realizing Tara was using that word in the racist way, and also clearly his negative actions are not anything that he would ever do on his own. "They forced him to do that! That's not who he is!"

Which: Tara has no way of knowing is the only thing that's kept Sookie alive (thus far) this season, the belief that her Bill is the best Bill and the real Bill -- which makes even his stonefaced trip to Alcide's right before Russell got there evidence for and not against the Plaintiff -- so she tells the truth: Sookie is -- just possibly, just maybe -- a giant fucking idiot.

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True Blood

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