Irony: "Did somebody call me? I'll be right up."
BILL'S AWESOME HIGH-TECH DUNGEON
Marnie: "This reminds me of this one time when that witch ghost lady was in jail, back during Spain, with a bunch of other witches. And then the priests came running in, and one of them was gross Olivier from Six Feet Under, and they were vampires! And then they said prayers in mean voices, and ate one of the other witches."
SOOKIE'S HOUSE OF LYING TO YOUR LOVED ONES
Tara: "Sookie, can I stay here with you tonight? Lafayette's house is full of the creepiest bullshit."
Sookie: "No, my friend, you cannot."
Tara: "Um, why are you being so weird?"
...Eric: "Hey, guys! What's crackin'?"
Tara: (Reacts about as well as you'd imagine. Manages to blow Old Eric's spot about just about everything -- the time she sucked the bullet, the time he fed her to the King, all the shit he pulled on Lafayette -- causing Eric to just about die of sadness before she does a hilarious ducking full-tilt run out the door.)
THE KING, THE WITCH & THE ROTTING CORPSE'S WARDROBE
Bill, over intercom: "Hey Marnie! Welcome to vampire jail. I hope you're feeling helpful!"
Pam: "...Cut her up and slice her and grind her bones and..."
Bill: "You know it's the craziest thing! My friend came to see you recently at work..."
Marnie: "-- Yeah and then he ate me unconscious and then shit got intense."
Bill: "Do you remember what happened to him, sweetie?"
Marnie: "No, it was just some spell. No big deal."
Pam: "...Fuckin' face off her and shove it in the toilet and take a baseball bat and..."
Bill: "And then recently another friend of mine visited you in the woods and I think maybe you might have accidentally rotted her face off? That ring-a-dingin' anything for you?"
Marnie: "Nope, it was some kind of weird spell or something."
Pam: "... See how you like it fuckin' bullshit why I oughtta..."
Bill: "Honey, have you ever done a spell on purpose?"
Marnie: "Not real ones! Mostly just like spells to bind the ill intent of tax collectors, bring back certain actors on my stories, that kind of thing. Spells to banish cat pee smell."
Pam: "MY FUCKIN' FACE & THEN I'M GONNA..."
Bill: "Darlin', you stay right there. I'm going to come down and see you."
Marnie: "Sure wish you wouldn't..."
Bill: "Aw, sweetheart. Be right down!"