True Blood
I Hate You, I Love You

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Asymmetry In Wartime

Pam: "Anecdotal evidence suggests that when vampires get within a few feet of this old bitch, stuff happens. Apparently stuff beyond her mortal ken. The hell are you doing?"
Bill: "Ah am the King of Louisiana, Ah am William Compton of Bon Temps, Louisiana, and Ah make old ladies weak in the knees. Ah will be right back."

Marnie: "DON'T TOUCH ME!"
Bill: "Look into mah eyes and tell me what Ah wish to know, Marnie."
Marnie: "Cooool."
Bill: "What are yore intentions concerning witchcraft?"
Marnie: "Only to assemble peacefully and practice our religion."
Bill: "What have you done to Eric Northman, mah Sheriff?"
Marnie: "No idea."
Bill: "What about mah associate's formerly beautiful face?"
Marnie: "Still nothing. I am not lying."
Pam: "FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

MEXICO

Some pregnant girl hanging laundry, Abuelo Brujo looking much more handsome than in the flashbacks and even more jittery-making, and -- because it's Mexico -- chickens absolutely everywhere.

SHREVEPORT

This gross dude with a disturbing way of doing his hair appears at Alcide's house to bitch at him about not registering with the Shreveport Pack, but Alcide is a self-hating lycanthrope who can't bear the trashy presence of other werewolves, so they piss on each other's shoes and Alcide is almost too beautiful to look at and then the guy goes away again.

Prediction #1: Meet Debbie Pelt's new boyfriend! Watch Alcide cry, hopefully shirtless.
Prediction #2: Meet Luna's babydaddy! Watch Sam cry, hopefully while Tommy is doing naked hot yoga nearby.
Prediction #3: Both. Watch the whole show come back to being about one thing instead of eighty-seven things.
Prediction #4: Something about Tommy being a Skinwalker and mixing into the above. Maybe if a Skinwalker kills another Skinwalker they get the ability to turn into Natalie Portman or something. They get the power to come out of your TV and be real. And if one of those kills another one of those, they become the Highlander. He grows a big black beard and becomes a MLB relief pitcher and we get so gay married. Brian Wilson, you're my Eric Northman.

SWAMP THINGS

Tommy: "I feel bad about killing our parents!"
Sam: "I sure don't."
Tommy: "Because you're a psycho?"
Sam: "No, because I never met them except like one time, and that was with the underwear and I kind of thought our dad was raping you the whole time. So..."
Tommy: "Well, I had a more complex relationship with them. Especially mom, who I would not have murdered given my druthers. If only I'd been able to stop her from cracking her neck on about six different things during that fight."

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True Blood

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