True Blood

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: B
Pictures Of The Floating World

Oil-coiffed Sam was a Mickens and he didn't even know what a Mickens was, but even more shocking than this is how unattractive they've managed to make Sam Trammell back in 2003. There should be like a special effects Emmy in there somewhere. The girl he loved betrayed him, her boyfriend showed up as he was kissing her and stuck a gun to Sam's head, and they made off with all the jewels, and just for fun the boyfriend told Sam he was a dumb fuck that would never really get a girl like that. So Sam had to stay a bad guy a little bit longer.

Bill admits that Sookie's blood is quite delicious, and also managed to get him to whatever crossover place he needed to get in order to see Claudine, where he convinced her that he truly wanted to protect Sookie. Sookie wonders if the delicious faerie blood is why he's in love with her, and we add that to the list of things that make their relationship fake. Which isn't to say that their love is fake, but does bring to mind the questions you're not allowed to ask yourself about why anybody loves you. As a philosopher once said, "If you analyze why certain people end up with certain other people, it will make you want to kill yourself."

For example, he does not look at her the way Eric and Russell do, and yes he did eat her into a coma that one time, but it's still not what they're truly about in the true-love world of their very true love. Not that he's given her an exhaustive list of the reasons they hooked up in the first place, but that's a scab everyone on the show seems interested in picking, and there's an amazingly cheesy scene coming up that pretty much covers it, so fine. Bill Compton, you old softy:

"Sookie, it is not your blood I love. I love you. Your mind, your heart, your soul. And I will forswear ever feeding on you again if that's what it takes to convince you of that. You have brought light back into my life. And hope, and gratitude. That is why I love you. Nothing else."

Over in Shreveport Eric Northman is finishing up his last will and testament with a vampire-friendly attorney: All residences and estate go to his daughter, Pamela Swynford DeBeaufort. Pam's not impressed by any of this, and wants him in fighting Viking mode, but Eric is actually scared. It is not a good color on him, but on the other hand his dialogue is sparkling: "Russell Edgington was maybe the oldest and strongest vampire on the planet, before he eviscerated a newsman live on TV. Now he's also the craziest. And his rage is directed at me." Of course he will fight, but there are for once no brilliant plans forthcoming, so he's covering his ass. And telling Pam to shut her ass up if she's not going to work on the big plan. I'm sure she knows how far he went this season, to save her; it irks her she can't do the same, now that he's giving up.

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True Blood




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