True Blood

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
Pictures Of The Floating World

Beautiful, wonderful, sorely missed Steve Newlin is up on the TV at Merlotte's -- you can see the whole thing online, it was the Postmortem this week -- talking about how this terrorist attack was actually a good thing, because it proves he was right all along, although as a true Christian he can't actually say that out loud. Arlene drools on herself and thinks vague racist thoughts and yells at Jessica because of Russell and generally acts insufferable, so finally Jessica just pins her the hell up against a banquette. "Okay, we get it. You don't like vampires. Well, I don't like narrow minded skinny bitches with bad dye jobs. But at least I've got the courtesy to keep my mouth shut about it." Tommy loves it, Jessica already feels like a stupid jerk, and Arlene runs off after bouncing into the air with a hilarious double-finger point: "I may be skinny, but I ain't evil. And once evil, always evil!"

Arlene's talking about her baby, but they don't know that. Tommy tells Jessica that her little civil rights misstep gave him "wood," which even for a sexy little Hobbit is the wrong way to come at Jessica. She hides her fangs, which have been out the whole time, and he tells her that they too give him wood. Also, Arlene is full of shit, and also -- now just swinging blindly, is old Tommy -- Hoyt probably harbored racism as well. Jessica sadly tells him that Hoyt was delightful and accepting about her vampirism, and that wasn't the issue. Then why is she there giving Tommy wood, and not with Hoyt? Because he's too good for her. "Well, I'm not," says Tommy, and it's awfully convincing, but she runs off. Tommy Merlotte has some kind of alone orgasm at his place of employment.

Hoyt pulls up home with Summer, who calls him Bear -- "one of them cute, cuddly ones with the big eyes and arms you could squeeze till Tuesday?" -- and then pulls her bra out, hilariously terrifying him. "I can tell you're a sexual person, Hoyt Fortenberry, and if that's what it's gonna take to fill up this distance I'm feeling between us..." She puts his massive Hoyt Fortenberry paw on her bra and apologizes for being warmer than your average dead thing, and he gets more and more scared and then before you know it, that dress is coming the heck off. Summer is a girl with a mission, I'll give her that. Hoyt deserves all-out aggro schemes like this, at the very least. You can't blame her.

Blood-drenched Jason and Tara come back to his place after burning Franklin's stuff, only to find Bill and Sookie chilling there. Needless to say, they don't go into what happened tonight, because murder is like something they just do all the time now. "Killed Franklin. Again. Ugh, that guy. What's on TV?" Sookie asks if she can stay over, because obviously there's trouble. Tara assumes that it's Bill's fault, because Franklin's been on her mind recently. Sookie admits -- in that hilariously earnest deadpan -- that she's currently being hunted by some werewolves and a vampire and they're coming back any old time, and Tara bitches at Bill some more, and finally he's like, "Sookie, I'm going to bed." He quirks his neck at Jason, summoning him out onto the porch in a very nice, subtle big-brother way, and leaves the ladies to it.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16Next

True Blood

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP