Bill says it's not the worst part, because the worst worst part is that she's going to want to fuck Eric. Um, that's not the blood. That's the Eric. And second of all, there's a thing in his voice where he didn't really want to tell her that, because she'll start thinking about how she sucked Bill's blood the night they fell in love, and then did crazy sex stuff like the aforementioned masturbating on his front porch, and maybe she will put two and two together. This is an outside possibility, and not something we've ever seen her do before, which explains why he's only a little concerned, but it does kind of cast the tiniest doubt on their queerbutt love affair, which I highly support. As though to echo this last thought, their love theme starts playing in a cheeky minor key, and they agree that they wish Eric were dead. Or would have some sex with them.
Speaking of that couch, Hoyt rubs Jessica's back and they talk about her hymen. She's thinking of all the stuff we thought last week -- Dr. Elfindorffer could give her an operation or something, this can't be the first time somebody got Claudiad, the whole thing -- and Hoyt's like, "Intercourse isn't the only way to have sex..." (Which supports my theory that this is all an elaborate scheme he cooked up with Ashton Kutcher to get her to do anal.) And she points out that fucking is great, and she'd like to do more of it. He laughs and gets all sweet about it, and she very carefully puts him into boyfriend position: "You should break up with me," which is the "Do I look fat in this" of all time.
"That thing that grows back, it's just a thing. I ain't perfect either. I'm a guy that people laugh at. Even my friends!" Yeah, that's just like my painful and ironic deformity. "But you never have," he says, bringing it back around, "So I don't ever want to hear you talk about breaking up." You met her like two days ago, Romeo. You haven't heard her talk about much of anything yet. He gets all intense and scared of what he's about to say, and then decides it's time for her to meet Maxine. He knows it's going to be totally harsh because his mom is kind of horrific, but Jessica says the sweetest thing: "Hoyt, nobody ever wants me to meet anybody!"
Jessica cuddles all over Hoyt like a puppy, and he reminds her that Maxine is racist and obnoxious: "She hates vampires, and she's gonna ask you all kind of personal questions, or she may not talk to you at all. Which: Then you'd be lucky." Jessica doesn't care. They talk all kind of southern teenager gothic love nonsense for awhile -- "I'm proud that you're my girl" is a representative example -- and then she yawns because the sun is coming up. He walks her to "that damned cubby hole," and offers to get in there with her, but she's embarrassed by it. Because it is a gross hole in the ground. She giggles and he says he'll build them "a tricked-out doublewide," which would give me personally a bit of pause, but not Jessica. She kisses him goodnight and he sits outside, singing to her in the blue light, pounding his thigh in horny frustration.