Ol' Debbie's got company when Alcide brings home her daily transfats: One Packmaster Greasy, sittin' on the couch gettin' everything all werewolfy while she feeds him pickled snouts and Vienna sausages and that scary octopus that wiggles when you pour soy sauce on it and whatever nasty shit she serves her poor guests while going slowly crazy in their tract home.
Alcide: "Stop feedin' that werewolf your trashy nightmare food!"
Debbie: "Alcide, I am a hostess."
Greasy: "All I did was ask if she had a few minutes to look at some literature. Before I knew it she was making Tang."
Alcide: "Debbie doesn't spend a lot of time reading, good sir. You may leave now."
Greasy: "Sorry I 'alpha'd' you so hard last week, but I was busy making up absurd supernatural lingo that nobody would ever actually use."
Alcide: "I run with no pack and answer to no howl. I am a lone wolf. I wolf alone."
Greasy: "We'll revisit at a later date. I assume you're going to beat your wife now, because we are bikers."
Alcide: "I thank you. Do take some room-temp cold cuts when you go."
Alcide: "God damn it, Debbie."
Debbie: "Alcide, I am not a lone wolf! I do not wolf alone! Mississippi is a shithole, but now that I live in Shreveport I have a different perspective on shitholes. My only friends are you and Sookie, and she hates my ass, so all my friends are you, and you wolf alone."
Alcide: "I'm sorry that werewolves are so disgusting that we can't hang out with them."
Debbie: "You dramatically underestimate how disgusting I am. In fact, my whole descent into addiction and Nazi worship could, if you were awful, seem predicated on the fact that you let me fall in codependent, crazy-making love with you in the first place."
(We pour out a little for my Cooter.)
Alcide: "Valid. I will run with the pack tonight under that full moon everybody keeps tossing casually into conversation, and then you will see how gross they are. You will make choices and they will be healthy choices. Then you can meet some AA people or something. They're always super fun."