Which is to say that dragging your lezzzzzzbian girlfriend through Merlotte's -- holding her hand and spanking her ass -- probably this feels very good in one way, because you're declaring yourself. And because showing her the dirty places you used to work feels good because she's getting to know your town and your history and not Toni, sure. And in another way, it's nice to feel the racist and homophobic eyes of the Merlotte's homeboys on you, wanting you and hating you in several different ways at once. And probably it is nice to finally figure out the thing that gay people always eventually figure out, which is that it is a fucking relief to get left out of certain areas and transactions and reindeer games. Probably all those things make you feel good.

But if you cock your eyebrow at Jessica for being a vampire, the second she walks up -- having been promoted to server off-camera by good ol' Sammy, who needed waitresses but also likes Jess -- and give her some snotty racist attitude about it, all of that goes down the drain. And yeah, you got beef with vampires. But you have no beef with Jessica. So I'd lose that NPR grin, if I were you. Nobody is entirely without privilege. And then not to mention you've also got the... Oh, Jessica just ran out the door without taking their order, faster than a human blur.

Tara, kind of valid: "Told you. We ain't even been here five minutes. Fuckin' vampires."

UNDER THE FULL LUNA

Luna: "Sam! You know how in every scene I'm in, we either discuss my readiness to 'let you in' on a one-to-ten scale, or I flash my tits?"
Sammy: "...Who are you?"
Luna: "Well, I'm ready to let you in."
Sammy: "Hang on, I'm not actually..."
Luna: "...And these are my tits."
Sammy: "Huh."
Luna: "It's because you're a wonderful, brave, strong man."
Sammy: "I forgot for a second. I forgot that I was brave and strong and good, for a second. Then I forgot something else."