JESS & JASON
Jason: "Guess I'm not a werepanther. Hotshot keeps finding new ways to suck."
(Just give me some Timbo and I won't complain ever again, Hotshot. Come on!)
Jessica: "Wait, now you want to be one?"
Jason: "No, but I'm still searching for meaning in my brutal violation and stuff. Do you wish you weren't a vampire?"
Jessica: "No. If this show has a theme, it's that real always sucks more than fake, but you always have to pick it. I have superpowers, like any minority, and everything sucks, like it does for every minority. That question barely even makes sense to me because I'm so awesome."
Alternately: "It's kinda hard to explain, but my old world was about that big. And now? It's endless."
Jason: "It sucked having to stick up for Sookie all the time -- because of how she has that brain disorder? -- but I was also kind of jealous because she was special. Or how I once fetishized vampires to the point that I took V and my dick swolt up."
Jessica: "There are fifty ways you are special. You were a QB, you're hot as hell, you fuck everybody, and you're incredibly wise and don't even know it. And again, listen up this time, it doesn't matter who or what you are because by embracing it you become wonderful."
Jason: "So my magic power really is fucking. Well, you solved that problem rather quickly. Too bad it's not my main issue."
Jessica & Jason: "...Anyway, this has been fun but we love Hoyt and it's going to suck when we hook up so let's just keep secrets from him because we care about him so much and compound our totally compromised relationships okay? Okay!"
Jason, adorable: "Night, Jess!"
Jessica, upon reflection: "...Ah, fuck."
KING DORK MEETS THE HOODIED FANG
Eric: "Your Majesty. Sorry you have to kill me because of witchnesia and kissing Your human. My bad."
Bill: "Sookie is not Mine. That is not what this is regarding."
Eric: "Eh, you're still in love with her."
Bill: "Ah will now change the subject to your execution."
Eric: "Listen. My daughter just told me I'm a barbarian thug and never respected your authority. I know I have no options, and also I trust you implicitly as King. I'm sure killing me is the right move."
Bill: "That is ponderous."
Eric: "Finding out you're an asshole of supernatural proportions is also ponderous, Majesty."