So he lies to her that it was J-Dubz at the door, and thinks about how he can buy that house out from under her. Like if only there was somebody he knows that always has a ton of money, whom he loves in a particularly binding and painful way, and whom if he killed them he would get the ultimate grifter power -- that would be a good person to underwrite this one. Meanwhile, Maxine's just like, "Call me Mama!" like that's normal or okay.

HOTSHOT

Crystal: "Take this Mexican Viagra so our whole town of underaged, inbred ladies can fuck you in front of each other and then we can all be pregnant with a million Jason Stackhouse babies and become the stupidest town in the entire universe like a black hole of intellect where people just driving by get stupider, and a handful of people on the internet can get their panties in an outraged bunch and invent absurdly sheltered, and frankly offensive, false equivalencies about rape. You'll be our new Ghost Daddy."
Jason: "I do feel like I am being barfed."
Crystal: "That's the magic! Or maybe drugs."

MERLOTTE'S

Tara: "It was so nice not talking to you after I came all the way back here from my new life just to talk to you."
Sookie: "I don't have time to tell you about my problems right now."
Tara: "Actually, would you just tell Eric Northman not to kill Lafayette, please?"
Sookie: "I'm sure it's fine."
Tara: "Fuckin'... Okay, dude."
Sookie: "Wait, did Lafayette have anything to do with the... I mean, what do you mean?"
Tara: "Lafayette and Jesus do this Wicca thing with Holly, and Eric attacked us, and then he got whammied."
Sookie: "Yeah, whatever. Lafayette is fine. You're all fine. I can't talk more about it. Let's just say he's missing, and leave it at that."

Sam: "Heeeeeey little lady. I haven't seen you since I told you I was a shapeshifter and you left town because you hate supernatural beings."
Sookie, bouncing: "This isn't about me, so I'm not interested."

Tara: "I had this feeling like you said you could just be a whole new person. Like just invent a new lesbian life for yourself, like Maryann used to talk about and I keep getting fooled into doing."
Sam: "No, you can't do that. I tried to do that but I just ended up even creepier than I usually am. The past has a way of blah blah blah."
Tara: "This thing you have, of droning on and on about philosophical things. Is that you trying to sleep with me?"
Sam: "No, but speaking of..."
Tara: "I have a boyfriend or girlfriend."
Sam: "I have one of those too! She has boobs every day, all day."
Sam & Tara: "We are the most interesting people who ever lived."