You know, that might be the most charming, delightful episode of this show we've ever had. Smart, whipsmart, but also very human in a way that doesn't seem winky or silly, but also sexy, but also, like, wise. There's a wisdom. So Eric, amnesiac, sniffs the faery blood on Sookie and attacks, but eventually she breaks his nose and he snaps out of it and back to being freaked out and vulnerable and sweet and scared: Something about the witches, stealing his memories, and then him just wandering around with no shirt on. Sookie feels bad enough to take him home with her, as long as he doesn't bite her.
Thanks to Russell -- and a cheesy ACORN Exposé-type Teabagger video of a vampire surprised in the act -- Bill is now forced to condemn vampires to death just for being bad PR. Oh, and Portia finally invites him to fuck her, and then once in bed to bite her, and as ridiculous and silly as Bill and Sookie always were, it's still kind of sad to watch him with another human lady.
Bill and Jessica's relationship, over the last year, has blossomed into something really special. She goes to him for counsel about having fang-cheated on Hoyt, and they are super sweet, and she eventually comes clean. But before Hoyt can even get properly pissed about it, she starts glamouring him, and things get really gross, really fast. Also, that creepy baby doll from last year keeps showing up in their house, so finally Jessica gives it to Arlene's devil baby so they can be creeps together.
Tara, Jesus and Lafayette still think Eric's a threat, so they spend the episode spinning their wheels, and getting evasive answers from Sookie, and freaking out, until Pam tosses Lafayette back in the dungeon. At which point Tara and Jesus storm Fangtasia! to save him, promise to hand over Marnie within 24 hours, and then Tara and Pam basically turn to the camera and scream at you, "We are going to do it with each other pretty soon!"
However, it won't be because they handed over Marnie, because Marnie has taken pathos to a whole new level and has decided to basically X herself out entirely so that that younger lady witch-ghost-face person can have her body, because being Marnie sucks. So she basically commits suicide, does this blood ritual where she wants to not exist, and it's so sad, and then the ghost-witch-lady shows up, and we'll see where that goes.
Andy's V addiction is fucking everything up for everybody, and he sucks on his finger at one point in a way that is profoundly, um, disconcerting, and then throws some middle-of-the-day punches at Sam and eventually pulls a gun, and it's very clear that Andy needs Jason to come home immediately. Meanwhile, Tommy learns that Maxine's house is sitting on a natural gas deposit and wants Sam to buy it out from under her so they can split the profits. Of course Sam's not doing it, and of course this breaks little Tommy's heart, and those boys will just never get it together.
In addition to Hotshot's illiterate oral history of Panther God, which their religion is so dumb and they are so dumb, Crystal's hairdos also tend to make her look like a lady who pushes a shopping cart around town as her hobby. Jason is still dying slash turning into a panther, and he might be the new "Ghost Daddy" of their town or whatever, at least Timbo is there and he is so wonderful. Then Jason wakes up to Crystal fucking him with everybody watching, and it's super gross as usual, and I never thought I would say this, but let's put a shirt on Jason Stackhouse already.
(Which: Say what you will about Maryann's supposedly repetitive orgies, but I bet you a hundred bucks that not one viewer is going to complain about the fact that Jason's entire storyline is him lying in bed with a slight fever.)
Pam eventually shows up to command Sookie to babysit Eric and -- her suspicion being that Bill sent Eric into the coven ambush on purpose -- not tell anybody about it, so Sookie immediately runs to Alcide to tell him all about it. Unfortunately, she can't leave him with Alcide, because he's back together with Debbie Pelt, who has stopped taking V and found Jesus, but still can't be trusted.
Sookie handles all of this with aplomb and great charm -- made lots easier by how Amnesia Eric is even hotter than Regular -- until Claudine comes to collect her for Faerie, and he... Eats her! And then goes, like, "Whoops, sorry!" and it's so amazing! Amnesia Eric is the best character of all television. I know it was a much-anticipated thing, but my goodness they're doing wonderful things with it. Here's hoping the director of next week's episode sticks to the tone here, because this one was a fucking blue ribbon winner.
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Previously: Jason got tied up and panthered, the vampires started a fight with the witches, and Eric got amnesia about lots of things, including shirts. Sookie found him wandering the road with just a hobo's bindle full of no memories, but since yelling at people is her favorite thing, she didn't think twice about giving him a piece of her mind.
The first thing Eric does is try to nosh on delicious Sookie, of course, so she punches him in the nose. See, because when a vampire is interested in feasting on you, all you have to do is just bop them on the nose and they'll totally chill. But the thing where they always have to keep moving or they will die, that part is a myth.
Eric: "But why did you do it?"
Sookie: "Because stop trying to eat me, ya nerd."
Eric: "Petunia Dursley magicked my memories out of me by trading faces with a younger hotter lady, including the memory of where my shirt went."
Sookie: "Okay, well, why don't you come home with me. Surely a murderous wild creature that can't even remember he's in love with me, surely that's a good idea."
Eric: "Not gonna lie, I'm probably going to bite you."
Sookie: "I'll just punch you in the nose again. No problem."
Eric: "Thanks, whoever you are. It sure is lucky that we coincidentally ran into each other like this."
Sookie: "Also the part where you randomly didn't suck all the blood out of my body."
Witches: "Our Wiccan ways, besmirched!"
Lafayette: "[Saying things that make sense, like Don't piss off Eric Northman.]"
Witches: "We are not hearing that!"
Tara: "I need to throw around some anger because that was so scary! I have post-trauma about vampires because of that entire season I spent getting raped. And so on."
Lafayette: "Hooker, we don't have time to process your lesbian emotions. I got endungeonated by that motherfucker, and had all these sex dreams about him, and was forced to sell drugs to inbred panthers by him, and you don't see me whimpering about it. He is going to murder us for doing spells on him."
Witches: "[More nonsense. They are not getting it.]"
Jesus: "Marnie, how and what did you do to Eric that is going to get us killed."
Marnie: "I don't know! Isn't that so great?"