True Blood
If You Love Me, Why Am I Dyin’?

Episode Report Card
admin: A+ | 2 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
A Visit From The Poon Squad
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously: Jason got tied up and panthered, the vampires started a fight with the witches, and Eric got amnesia about lots of things, including shirts. Sookie found him wandering the road with just a hobo's bindle full of no memories, but since yelling at people is her favorite thing, she didn't think twice about giving him a piece of her mind.

The first thing Eric does is try to nosh on delicious Sookie, of course, so she punches him in the nose. See, because when a vampire is interested in feasting on you, all you have to do is just bop them on the nose and they'll totally chill. But the thing where they always have to keep moving or they will die, that part is a myth.

Eric: "But why did you do it?"
Sookie: "Because stop trying to eat me, ya nerd."
Eric: "[Swedish]."
Sookie: "English."
Eric: "[Swedish]."
Sookie: "English!"
Eric: "Petunia Dursley magicked my memories out of me by trading faces with a younger hotter lady, including the memory of where my shirt went."
Sookie: "Okay, well, why don't you come home with me. Surely a murderous wild creature that can't even remember he's in love with me, surely that's a good idea."
Eric: "Not gonna lie, I'm probably going to bite you."
Sookie: "I'll just punch you in the nose again. No problem."
Eric: "Thanks, whoever you are. It sure is lucky that we coincidentally ran into each other like this."
Sookie: "Also the part where you randomly didn't suck all the blood out of my body."

MOONGODDESS WITCHMART

Witches: "Our Wiccan ways, besmirched!"
Lafayette: "[Saying things that make sense, like Don't piss off Eric Northman.]"
Witches: "We are not hearing that!"

Tara: "I need to throw around some anger because that was so scary! I have post-trauma about vampires because of that entire season I spent getting raped. And so on."
Lafayette: "Hooker, we don't have time to process your lesbian emotions. I got endungeonated by that motherfucker, and had all these sex dreams about him, and was forced to sell drugs to inbred panthers by him, and you don't see me whimpering about it. He is going to murder us for doing spells on him."
Witches: "[More nonsense. They are not getting it.]"
Jesus: "Marnie, how and what did you do to Eric that is going to get us killed."
Marnie: "I don't know! Isn't that so great?"

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True Blood

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