True Blood
If You Love Me, Why Am I Dyin'?

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 2 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
A Visit From The Poon Squad

Vampire: "Entrapment!"
Bill: "Undoubtedly and yet Ah cannot save you from your fate."
(He sentences him to die the True Death, effective immediately.)
Vampire: "But I'm a vampire! Biting people is what I am 100% about!"
Bill: "It is a post-Russell Edgington world, I'm not sure if you've heard."
Vamp: "I demand a trial. I want to take this case to the Authority!"
Bill: "I am the Authority, you idiot!"

Which I can't even parse. Maybe it is like The Prisoner and he is the Authority, and the Magister, and a monkey-mask and then the mask comes off and it's Nan Flanagan, but under the Nan Flanagan mask: Bill again. Or at the end of the show it turns out it's all just this snow globe that Bill has been looking at the whole time.

Jessica arrives, having fed on a fellow and gotten the business from Sookie and acted out and been bratty and now she needs Advil for Hoyt's black eye, but all the stores are closed, so could the King help a sister out? Yes, of course he can. And not just that, but they are so frigging cute with each other that it's remarkable. He's like a beloved stepdad and she's a grownup and they just love each other. It's so sweet and uncomplicated.

Bill: "Tell me what's really goin' on."
Jessica: "Promise you won't judge?"
Bill: "Have you met me?"

But he doesn't, and it's amazing: He just tells her that A) Don't get taped feeding, B) Don't eat the unwilling, and C) She has to go home and tell Hoyt, immediately. Because what Bill knows and only Bill knows and thus he must share it with everybody, is that sometimes humans can get so weird when it turns out your whole relationship is a lie. He holds her close and they are so sweet and they don't even notice when the video vampire finally dies, off down some hallway somewhere. The sound of responsibility.

Bill: "You need to explain to him why you did it. Imagine how hurt he'd feel if he ever found out from someone else."
Jessica: "I hate my life!"
Bill: "Jess, vamp up. If you love him, you tell the truth. Period."

Kinda love King Bill.

I MEAN, VAMP UP

Sookie brings Eric home and he waits at the door because he doesn't know he owns her house, and since this home ownership thing is actually Sookie's biggest/only problem, she figures she'll go along with that misconception. He edges along the braided rug so he won't get it muddy, and it's so very cute.

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True Blood

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