True Blood
If You Love Me, Why Am I Dyin'?

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 2 USERS: B+
A Visit From The Poon Squad

Jessica: "I drank the blood of a truly attractive young man."
Hoyt: "Didja fuck 'im."
Jessica: "No, gross! I just sucked his delicious blood. In a toilet. In front of my stepmom."
Hoyt: "I feel like you have cheated on me in a way that doesn't have an exact real-world parallel."
Jessica: "That's how I feel too. But maybe it will be okay."
Hoyt: "No, I'm pretty sure I'm going to throw a massive shit-fit right now. I feel like I am dying inside of myself, in my giant beating heart."

Jessica cannot handle how bad this going, or poor wonderful Hoyt feeling betrayed, so she makes a call. A real bad one. And the worst part is that Hoyt knows what she's going to do before she does it, which means one second of terror because he knows that he, Hoyt Right Now, is about to die. And be replaced with a Hoyt almost exactly the same, but with some ingredients changed, like the last five minutes never happened. He sees that coming and begs her not to X him but she does it anyway, and then it's done. She has murdered or raped him in a way that doesn't have an exact real-world parallel. They have -- neither of them -- never been more in love, or more beautiful. It is sad and disgusting.


Sookie takes Eric down to show him his cubby, having talked Pam into paying her a shitload of money to hide him, and he is dressed like Eight Mile and it is sexy, and then they have an adorable meeting about like, who's more adorable, and how can they up their adorableness quotient, and things in that general semantic area.

Eric: "Whoa, this totally is my house! The spare but not cheap aesthetic of this hideyhole instantly resonates with my Scandinavian minimalism."
Sookie: "Uh huh. Don't get too motherfucking comfortable."
Eric: "But wait, so how come I own your house and you live here. Are you Mine?"
Sookie: "No sir."
Eric: "Are you Somebody's?"
Sookie: "I'd prefer not to discuss it. Those are fairy-fresh memories for me. Of sadness."
Eric, just violently cute: "Oooh, do you want to be Mine?"
Sookie: "Even with amnesia you have this like unerring sense of where the bruises are, so you can mash on 'em."

He won't let go of her arm and he asks her like the people always do, like he's been asking her in every scene, you know, What Are You, and she realizes that she's smelling delicious again, so she gets nervy but doesn't show it. She's doing pretty well with that. It's funny that Eric was the whole time telling her other vampires would eat her and that she should be His vampire girlfriend, and now the vampire that wants to eat her is him. He pops fang and it is so, so embarrassing for them both.

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True Blood




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