Crazy Marnie time-travels to the Spanish trouble, where they're burning that witch ghost lady at the stake, and the lady teaches her a new spell or something while she's burning. There's a whole rule about the order of body parts you should burn a witch in, which I'm sure will come into play later, but mostly I guess this is just about Marnie and the witch lady meeting officially.

Because Bill and Eric are busy -- being King and being adorable respectively -- Sookie calls up Bachelor #3, so he drives in from Shreveport so he can wolf out and help her track down poor Eric. Alcide sniffs his clothes and goes running off into the woods. I guess Alcide knows Sookie's part fairy? Or now he does, at least, because he's clear on how Eric can run around naked in the middle of the day. It's entirely possible she also explained cold fusion during this part, but naked Alcide is a lot to deal with.

Due to Sam telling Tommy he was a worthless grifter, Tommy has thrown a shit fit and run off back to Mickensville. This occasions a visit from Maxine Fortenberry, who comes screaming into Merlotte's about where "her boy" is and what a bad brother Sam is. Sam points out the irony in her disowning Hoyt while questioning Sam's loyalty to her pretend kid, but she's not having it: "I am a lioness! And if you even laid a finger on him, I will punch your ticket but good, you hear me?" Considering that Tommy's last mention of Maxine involved royally screwing her out of thousands of dollars, Sam's meek acceptance of all this screaming is actually a kindness to them both, but you know Maxine.

Felton chuckles creepily at his daughter-niece about how "sex is kinda gross but it feels good" and asks her for the details, but her deception is immediately discovered: Jason is missing, and Luther's been conked and tied up. Crystal points out that he's already distributed his semen to most of the town anyway, so it doesn't matter if he's gone, but Felton is more excited by the idea of chasing him down, and panthers up to go find him. This is the point also at which the episode becomes almost entirely about people taking off their pants and turning into animals. It happens on this show, of course, but in this episode it's 90% of what happens: Pants dropping.

Lafayette, Jesus and Tara show up at Marnie's to see about getting her to remove the spell, per Pam's threats last week, but Marnie is still wavering on the line of being vague versus being a normal person, and can't quite get it through to them that she wasn't the one who magicked him. Because they're asking the wrong questions and she's saying the vaguest possible stuff, nobody really gets what she's saying, so they have the same conversation about the witch lady that they keep having. Tara brings up how she got raped a million times, Lafayette brings up how he got tortured a bunch, and they all do some research Scooby style.