Giddy on Claudine, Eric leads Sookie -- and the commandeered Alcide's weresmelling powers -- quite the merry chase through Bon Temps's wilderlands, finally bursting into vampire flame in a pond. Once he's sobered up off the fairy blood he realizes that's probably the last time he's going to get to go swimming in the daytime, and gets really somber and cute about it, but not even the glint of Former Eric in his eyes when he asks for a cheering-up kiss can quite fool Sookie into his arms. Next week, maybe.
In the meantime, Sookie and Alcide play nice and have their usual friendly nonsexual hugs and long gazes and whatever, because Sookie is 100% the most unrealistic person -- on this entire show about werewolves and shapeshifters and witches and Lafayette -- and therefore finds both Eric and Alcide absolutely resistible. Particularly when she's spent most of the day with them running around being naked all over the place. (Our friend Michelle had never seen the show before and she was like, "I keep wondering why they're always dropping their pants all the time on this show, but then I realized: It's because they have to keep turning into animals!")
Bill (before the bummer realization that he's the redoubtable Portia Bellefleur's great-great-great-great grandfather and thus should not be sleeping with her) takes meetings with: Pam, who lies to him about Eric's whereabouts; Nan Flanagan who rags on him about his anarchist tendencies and the heaviness of the crown and so forth; and finally Sookie, who lies right to his face about Eric's location. This last is a pretty sad moment, actually, and Paquin acts the hell out of it.
Lafayette, Jesus and Tara join Marnie for a Scooby meeting at the witch store to see if they can figure anything else about the mysterious ghost witch lady. Marnie's been having crazy dreams that connect her to the historical necromancers the vampires keep worrying about, but she's a come-and-go sort of vengeful spirit. Eventually they locate the correct reversal spell, but while they're attempting it an uncharacteristically impatient Pam pisses off Marnie/the ghost and gets her beautiful face all magically jacked up.
Luna has a daughter, whom Sam charms, but the whole Skinwalker thing makes you so nervous about that, like, who is anybody really, and then of course her babydaddy is a werewolf and possibly a stalker, which who the hell knows makes the daughter, Emma. Like a werewolf that can turn into other werewolves? Oh also, Debbie smells Sookie-hugging on Alcide, I think, making the whole unlikely fairy-blood story seem like pretty good evidence that Debbie needs to kill Sookie some more. She doesn't say that, but it seems like what you would be thinking. That Debbie, she's a wildcard.
In other shifter news, Tommy goes back to the Mickens's for some dumb reason and they immediately chain him up to put him back in the ring so they can have more money for their pork and beans or whatever they eat. Tommy does not shift into a salamander or parakeet at this point, for some reason, but here's hoping he just turns into a Giant Them-Killing Monster at the beginning of the next episode and thence a Skinwalker, somehow causing Sam to become interesting.
Arlene and her stupid baby [do stupid Arlene things].
Jason, after impregnating all of the animals, eventually uses his smarts to escape and distract Felton long enough to kill him in panther form. (TIMBO IS SAFE. REPEAT, TIMBO IS SAFE AT THIS TIME.) Crystal does her usual crazy panther cult bullshit and he runs off back home, but she's pretty sure he belongs to Hotshot now, and will be back by next full moon. Passing out on the side of the road, he's rescued by Hoyt and Jessica's magical blood, so I guess now he'll be having powerful romantic fantasies about Jessica, just like the rest of us.
Next week: Godric.
Eric's still crouching there in a pile of faerie when we return, having dispatched Claudine in a heap of light and weird goblin death faces. Sookie, aware of how faerie operate and their magical glowing fruit and grenades, tries to get him inside, but it quickly becomes apparent that Eric is drunk off his ass on faerie blood. He cronks on his face, thinks about eating Sookie for a sec, and then starts running around in that zooming way, pinching her ass, and giggling -- giggling -- until finally he's just gone. Does he care that the sun is coming up? He does not. Will it matter? Not at first.
Bill gives Pam a ton of shit about Eric's disappearance, and she lies about it nonstop, and eventually just tells him straight up that she has no reason to trust him: As near as she can figure, he would have won the Eric/Witch fight no matter what happened. I thought she was right about that, at first, because Bill does enjoy killing Eric sometimes, but no: If he's as worried about the witches as he says, then probably she's just being nuts. Which is apparently just how Pam is, now that Eric's gone. Probably anybody would be this nuts if they went from having 100% Eric to having no Eric at all. Sounds like it sucks.
And of course, being paranoid, she can't get Bill's help in reversing the spell, the actual problem, so it kind of makes sense that she's just acting insane all the time these days. She tosses him some shade about how much he enjoys his Kingly power on the way out, but I don't know. King seems like the only thing Bill's ever been good at. Plus, having ready live blood has made him much more attractive.
Over in Hotshot, things are getting even more complicated. Horny Patty from Hung is taking her turn with Jason, and when it's done she starts crying. He asks her why, given that he's the one getting raped, and she explains that in Hotshot, how it works is your brother/husband fucks you like a cat: "[He] bites the back of my neck and he holds me down till it's over. You're the best I ever had." Then, just in case the zoological, sexual and power issues here weren't already way too complicated for a lot of us to follow, apparently, she calls out "Next!"
Of course the next one is the little girl one that hangs out with Timbo, which scares Jason into screaming, and the old Luther guy starts yelling at him about "Ghost Daddy" this and "Breed!" that, and long story short the little kid threatens to cut off his dick unless he cooperates. Jason tries to explain how it actually should work, when you lose your virginity -- "Your first time, it should be special. With a boy you really like who brings you presents and candy" -- and flashes her some sweet smiles and the general Stackhouse Filibuster. I don't know, he's good with these idiots. Eventually she frees him, and he goes running off into the night.