True Blood
I'm Alive & On Fire

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: B-
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Panther No Panth, I'm Going Thwimming

Because she's an old lady, the first thing Caroline Bellefleur wants to do is talk about genealogy. Double-fisting with the family Bible in one hand and a whiskey in the other, Bill and Caroline delightedly say a bunch of names at each other while Portia looks on. Suddenly, Bill and Caroline both figure out something terrible, and Caroline's like, "Well, it was nice knowing you," and Bill agrees with her, and the whole meeting ends. They're sad about it and they still like each other, but there's no Bill-and-Portia in their future. Bill breaks up with Portia, and then since she's still not getting it, explains that she's his great-great-great-great granddaughter, and so probably they are both going to hell for doing it. And he didn't even bite her last week! He was doing so well!

Terry and Baby Mikey look at Arlene and the kids sleeping, and have a cute little conversation about how happy their family is going to be, and how Arlene is so pretty, and Terry's going to be the best daddy and teach Mikey how to hunt and be a man, and then goes out to push the laundry. When he comes back, Arlene is screaming because cute little Mikey's got a red marker in his hands, and it says on the wall, in a toddler's penmanship, BABY NOT YOURS. I still don't know what to think about all this, or who's doing this or what, but I do know that Arlene is automatically overreacting no matter what, because she is the worst.

Sookie asks Eric why he's being so glum and quiet, and explains how the "real" Eric (which hurts our Eric's feelings, of course) is generally jovial. Poor old Eric explains that he'll never swim in the sun or see her in the daylight or any of that stuff that vampires cry about when they are new. She tries to talk up the vampire lifestyle, but there's nothing really to be done. They are hard facts. She wishes she could cheer him up, and after getting offended that she is patronizing him, he gets a bit of the old glimmer: "If you kiss me, I promise to be happy." Which is charming, but before she can navigate that one, Bill shows up.

It's very sad, because Bill wants to search her house -- having checked all of Eric's other properties under the assumption that he's gone to ground -- and this is the last one. Sookie acts like it's this huge violation, which it would be if she weren't lying, and he comes very close to just shoving her aside, but then she pulls the "I have never lied to you" card, which even she knows is just sad and terrible since she's lying about lying. And then he agrees, and then after a moment of indecision he leaves without further ado! Oh, Sookie. Slippery slope.

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True Blood

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