That wasn't great, but I guess it moved some shit along. Let's see. Ben is still confused about exactly what Sookie's game is with him, because he's a dumb boy from 4000 years ago, but Sookie would rather let him twist and continue dating him while stringing as many other dudes along. Good girl.
Arlene's hysterics about Terry's death bring Sookie back from Faerielande, and a short shitshow later Sookie and Lafayette discover the truth about Terry's suicide plans and the life insurance policy he bought. Arlene is in no shape to discuss that by the time they get back to her house -- but it doesn't matter, because Bill is there looking for Warlow and making his apologies to everybody for things like their husbands dying or his daughter eating their children. (Portia is there! But only for one second, sadly.)
The reason he's there is that Eric has escaped to him with the ailing Nora, looking for magic blood and willing to give Bill 17 kinds of blowjobs about it. This results in the dorkiest Bill of the season, a truly epic amount of dorkiness, as he tries desperately to be all gods to everyone -- but eventually comes home emptyhanded, just as Nora is at long last becoming a chunky liquid in Eric's arms.
I simply cannot stress enough how hilariously subpar that whole part was. It kind of became its own creature by the end, as we unnecessarily flashed back to a poncy Eric in the court of King Charles II (played sexily-if-pointlessly by the mean movie director from Dawson's Creek) who saved Nora from the London Plague only to ironically lose her in this new, biological-warfare, Sarah Newlin one.
I don't ever enjoy camp, which you could be tempted to call this, but this entire storyline and denouement was something wretched and unbearable unlike anything the show has ever wrought. I would rather watch an entire episode where Sookie and Toddler Eric fuck on a bed in Narnia with light coming out of their hoohahs than ever again sit through the flouncing monstrosity that is Eric flirting with a plague-stricken Nora, in either timeline. It was like the time Bill twisted Lorena's head around and kept fucking her, except you are Lorena and the show is Bill and it never ends and you don't love it at all.
Alcide and Sam and Nicole and Raccoona, too. Fuck all those fuckers. Jackson and Alcide have a dumb conversation that includes Jackson wistfully calling tomatoes "maters," which makes me want to vomit just typing that, and then Nicole and Sam fuck in a shower, and it's so dumb and awful, and then Raccoona kidnaps Nicole and her mom just in case you thought this story would ever be over, and also Sam has to come back for Terry's funeral even though if he comes back to Bon Temps he will die, because of course Sam would have to come back for the funeral and happily die for that.
Um, good things. Good things. A side-effect of fucking Ben is that Sookie's hair looks amazing. What else. Willa's super dorky about acting super-spy all over the complex, but in a winsome funny way like Bill and not a hard-to-watch awkward way like Eric or Nora.
Jason comes to Jessica and says he wants to get her out of the jail, but because she believes in Bill's prophecies -- and wants to get burned alive because she ate Andy's babies -- she says instead she would just like to thank James in person for not raping her last week. They have a nice little talk, and then because it is the weirdest possible thing that would happen, they have sex. Meanwhile Pam fucks the psychiatrist and refuses to tell anybody the TruBlood is poisoned, meaning the only people not drinking it are our guys, which is sad but interesting.
Sarah puts on quite a show when she finds Truman's head in the garden, including kissing it and there's a whole dumb crazy monologue, but at least she makes lemonade: She forms an alliance with Lafayette's old boyfriend Senator Finch to cover up the death and keep everything going, so she's finally on top... And without the Gov to feel betrayed by her bout with Jason, there's nothing keeping him safe either, so she has him stabbed and tossed into Gen Pop, where Tara protects him for about one second before that crazy jailhouse queen Violet gets ahold of him.
Next week: Eric calls out Bill for not crossing Sookie, while after reflection she decides to ask Ben for help after all. Proving he still doesn't entirely understand how this works, he presents her with an ultimatum. In the jailhouse, Violet takes possession of Jason and in a fit of pique, Sarah Newlin puts all the TruBlood refusers into the sun chamber from Bill's vision -- a charming irony indeed. It's going to be harder than usual to get excited about it, after this crummy piece of crap episode, but there's nothing saying the next three episodes won't be as excellent as five of the seven that preceded it. Right?
Alcide banished Sam Merlotte from the region on pain of death, thereby ensuring that Sam would be returning to Bon Temps immediately. Jason bluffed his way into Vamp Camp, understanding that all of Sarah Newlin's power resides in pretending to have no power, and she retaliated by nearly getting Jessica raped. Jessica, for her part, is under the impression that Bill's visions of her death are certain -- and feels just guilty enough about Andy's daughters to hope it's true. Burrell's using the TruBlood shortage for genocidal purposes, Bill's high on vampire-faerie blood, and over in Faerielande Sookie and Ben finally sealed a -- but not the -- deal.
TRUBLOOD FACTORY/CAMP IRE
Eric, Willa and a quickly failing Nora have discovered the tainted TruBlood.
Willa: "What even is Hep V?"
Nora: "See how I look all horrible?"
Willa: "Oh, I see that now. Well, that sucks. Sorry, Aunt Nora."
Eric: "Willa, you go warn Pam. I'm getting Nora out of here. I have a dumb plan."
Eric and what's left of Nora sneak around for a long time while soldiers -- including Jason Stackhouse -- run hither and thither, alerted to a breach by the giggling guard they glamoured, who is lying in a pool of blood back in Eric's cell. Eventually Eric zoom-rolls under a truck for their escape, grabbing a guard on the way out to keep him quiet and eventually leaving his body behind on the road. He looks lovely, even in the cheesy hair-whipping romance pose of holding onto his sister like Lois Lane. What could he be up to?
Willa: "Sister Pam? What are you doing?"
Pam: "Yoga. What the fuck are you doing?"
Willa: "Why aren't you chained up like Eric and Nora?"
Pam: "That psychiatrist is right now vigorously masturbating about me."
Willa: "Do you know that because of psychic powers?"
Pam: "No, just being a person. Idiot."
Willa: "I'm here on orders from Eric, so be nice. We're escaping. In the meantime, don't drink the TruBlood. Also, Aunt Nora is close to dead of Hep V."
Pam: "That's actually kind of sad. Okay, don't tell anybody. If we all start refusing it, we'll bring down a genocide."
Pam: "Tara and Jessica. But that's it."
Softy. What follows is a hilariously dorky sequence as Willa, reveling in her mystique, does all kinds of superspy moves and quick-changes and cute stuff, eventually turning back from a pretend-doctor into a Gen Pop female. She's really good at this! Maybe Eric was right. It's been a long time since he was right about anything, so that's nice.