True Blood

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: C | 1 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
Define "Screw"

"Do you know anyone named Jackson? It's the only thing I could make out. Maybe that's the person he's working for." Which is clearly true, and I think Eric knows that, but he plays dumb for some other reason: "Jackson is where he lives. He had a Mississippi accent, can't you people tell the difference?" In the context of the werewolf's thought-sentence, that cannot possibly be true, right Sookie? Right, Sook...? Oh, for Christ's sake.

"Oh my God he's from Jackson? Do you think that's where Bill is? Eric, we have to go! Like yesterday!"

Eric says some very true, very stupid things -- "The problems of the world consist of more than finding your missing boyfriend" and "You shouldn't go by yourself" -- that you should never say to Sookie Stackhouse. Either she will literally not hear them, or she will do the opposite thing. ("So what you're saying is, I need to drive to Jackson right now and find Bill, or else the world will end, and it's everybody's responsibility on this planet to help me do that. Am I correct? Is that what you are saying?")

Eric fails to trip her up with the first seventeen logical things he says, but by the time they reach her porch, he's gotten her: If you're looking to rescue a vampire, you should do so by cover of night. "Fine. I'll leave tomorrow. But I have to go! Bill would do it for me!" Yeah, Eric thinks: That's why you two are so fucking obnoxious. She asks if he can come save her, if she gets into Mississippi trouble, and he says that probably he cannot zoom that fast. You know Sookie is like, "Well. We'll see about that."

There is something going on in the area of groins. I don't understand it. The groins in question belong to Tara Thornton and Franklin Mott, who got all horned up last night beating some hicks and then repaired to a motel, where something groin-related started happening. He doesn't seem to be moving around a whole lot, and the fangs are out, and her eyes are rolling back in her head... I think it's some kind of vampire tantra that we could have just imputed based on the last two seasons, but because we are gross, we thought it was because they came V. Anyway, I don't know what you guys do in bed. Maybe this is normal. It looks like particularly difficult Pilates.

At some point, lost to the void and to her general Taraness, Tara offers her demon lover a shot at her neck. A few times, she urges him to bite. He's like, "No." How come? Because she wants it. So what you're saying is, Franklin is a fucking creep and she needs to get on up out of there, because if she didn't want it, he would do it. And then you would have two problems on your hands. I mean, "sportsmanlike" is not a word I would associate with most vampires, but there's just something about that idea that seems to be in really poor form.

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True Blood

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