True Blood

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: C | 1 USERS: A-
Define "Screw"

Tara wonders why they had such weird sex just then, and he explains that she "lost [her]self to the void," which is a standard-issue vampire thing that vampires can do. Well, maybe that explains why Yvetta didn't punch Eric in the neck for drilling her like that last week. I can't help but imagine Bill being really uptight/jealous of this gift and constantly trying to figure out how you do the "void" thing but being too nervous and/or racist against vampires to actually ask anybody, so he's just like in this continual struggle to figure it out and in the meantime has developed a wide array of Sensitive Man Lovemaking Techniques where they just keep at you and keep at you and stare at your face whenever they do anything so they can analyze your responses and thinking it's a conversation you can actually have without wanting to barf where they try to impress upon you that all that matters is your pleasure and they love pleasing you sexually and whatever until you just want to pop them in the cock like one time so they'll quit it.

Tara assures Franklin that she never does this -- one-night stands, cheap motels, vampires -- for the most part, and then wonders why he has a cheap motel at all. "Don't y'all sleep in the ground?" Yeah, but also that's not how civilized people behave, and it's nice to have a place to take young ladies to and make their eyes roll around all crazy. She asks if it's just some kind of bloodlust deal because of those rednecks, and he wonders if she's even prepared to have that conversation. "Where does all that come from?" Tara says that he definitely does not want to poke that particular area of her, and he starts in on her about her personal life and how he knows nothing about her really, not even her name, and before you know it she is out the door.

Pam's going down on Yvetta in the Fangtasia! offices when Jessica calls her up to ask about what you are supposed to do when you accidentally kill a person and hide their body in your floorboards. Pam is just like so bored with this whole thing. "Did you call the hypothetical hardware store and buy a theoretical chainsaw?" Yes, Jessica says, but then when she got back the corpse had vanished. "So the problem you have is that there is no dead body in your house?" Pam shrugs and gets off the phone and goes back to eating out Yvetta, misusing an idiom -- "Lie back, sweetheart, and think of Estonia" -- in a way that renders it unparseable.

Sookie and Sam meet back up at Merlotte's for the workday, next morning, relating their adventures to each other in a sort of anti-explicatory shorthand that works really well for the scene, consisting mostly of ellipses and sound effects. Sam has heard about the shooting of Eggs, in the parking lot, and points out that at least there aren't a bunch of other bars in Bon Temps. She's asked him for some time off to go to Jackson and rescue her man, which Sam thinks is just as stupid as everybody else does, but at least he knows Sookie well enough not to bother. Paternalism is cute only when it reduces down to apathy like this. "Well, you seem to think you have a right to your opinions, so I'll cosign that." Her only request is that Sam keep an eye on Jessica, since both her dad and stepmom will be duking it out with the V-addict werewolves of Mississippi, and they joke around about Sam giving her a job at Merlotte's. Arlene's racist apoplexy alone would make that worthwhile. Hopefully this will happen.

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True Blood




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