And from Eric, who should be completely clean in the middle of his grooming session, to Bill and Sookie, who despite the gallons of fluids pouring out of every orifice last week are now lying in beautifully ironed sheets in his big old bed, with nary a drop in evidence and his chest shaved to within a millimeter of its life. Which is fine, because I have finally figured out that Bill and Sookie are best loved in the way that you love Buffy and Angel (and Giles) in that awesome Xander episode where they're running around having a love that never fucking ends and constantly saying goodbye and breaking up and making up and oh the humanity and oh the undeadity and heading into the good fight the final apocalypse the passion at the end of it all and being ever so romantic with mood lighting and disappearing come and blood and chest hair, the kind of love you can flounce around in a barefoot graveyard nightgown for-slash-get grave-dirt fucked on your back for, which is to say that Bill and Sookie are best enjoyed because of and not in spite of the fact that they are plainly, and epically, ridiculous.
I'm sorry to have come to this particular party so very late, but you know, sometimes I think I have an earnestness problem. And it occurs to me that while the show has always treated Bill and Sookie this way -- as these demented poster-children for constant tears and fucking* -- it only got consistently out of control as of this season. So Sookie's like "That was makeup sex! Check!" and he's like, "However do you mean? Was there a faaht?" and instead of saying, "Yeah, you ... Compounded my rape by raping it? In addition to a little girl, whom you murdered? Now lives in your house? Ringin' any bells?" which is what I would say, she's like, "I enjoyed Thought You Were Dead Sex at the end of last season... Or in that graveyard... Or all those other times I thought you were dead, which are all of them, because you are dead."
*(Also nipples and hair removal.) However, "Thought You Were Dead" Sex also means a sad moment in a life which is nothing so much as an array of sad moments, and therefore "feeling like I'd lost you" is too heavy a price to pay for Thought You Were Dead Sex. So I guess they should fight more often, but about what? Before Sookie can think of something, she thinks of something: "Holy mmrfle!" Because they have a daughter now, with magic vampire ears, who absolutely could hear them having that deeply upsetting fireball-snowball-sanchez-trombone sex they were having last week, but for some reason I guess she can't, because as Bill points out, she would be screaming meemies up in that joint if she heard them. Sookie's just slightly titillated by the idea, but even more relieved that it didn't happen. So let's... Fight about Jessica.