Jason and Andy wake up naked on their various home couches, Jason rocked by the revelation that his parents were killed by vampires (which connects with his sexual abuse stuff in a bizarre, awful dream) and Andy unfazed as usual... Even when Sam admits that he's a shapeshifter and that's why his buds are dead. Which, on that note, only Emma seems to survive the major shooting spree that takes out both Sam and Luna, which seems to me to be perpetrated by the Fellowship, who -- based on their "generic African-American presidential-looking" masks -- one must admit are probably feeling a little wayward at this point.

Alcide and Sookie's lovefest is interrupted by A) her barfing and B) the Boys showing up, since Alcide and Sookie are actually the main point of the Russell storyline. They spend the whole episode -- this was cool in effect but I can't figure out how to say how cool it was -- sorta remote-controlling this one contractor employee of Alcide's who was glamoured into letting Russell free. Probably this was Salome, although the show cutely thinks it's Nora -- whose terrorist hardcoreness continues to make her one of the coolest people this show has ever come up with -- but either case, the episode ends up unexpectedly with Sookie and her three boyfriends, plus Doug, uncovering the still-very-ratsucking Russell... Who abruptly turns the tables on all of them in a way that is not entirely clear.

...I just want to talk about Tara! Okay, so what else happened. Jason and Andy investigate the shifter thing and talk their Cassandra way out of even caring about faeries, as per, and Sam and Luna get shot, I already said that. I guess that's what was going on there. Everybody says that stuff is just whatever, but it really is a huge part of the show and the episode was divided up in a pretty equitable way, really, so now ... No wait.

Terry and Dude get tied up by Ellers, and ... okay, remember our talk about how stories get back-burnered? This is an example. Every episode so far, there's been basically more of the same shit, the same flashbacks and whatever. Blah blah Iraq My Lai. That's not because it's unimportant, exactly, it's because it doesn't matter yet, so every episode by every writer has an obligatory scene moving this along.

In this case, Terry himself saw one of their victims curse them with an ifrit, which if you aren't familiar with ceremonial or high magick, which you probably are at this point, is basically a Fire Elemental, shoggoth, pet-that-isn't, magickally speaking. Like, imagine the brooms from that Mickey Mouse cartoon, but if it were elementally a spirit of fire and not water, and was interested in killing this whole squad and everybody they love, even Arlene. Mindless -- which is new for this show -- and all about one thing, fucking everything up. Like if Sookie were made of fire, I guess.

Oh, and Lafayette is having similar probs where he has demon face and even his momma gets a visitation from Jesus's disembodied head telling her secret things about how Lafayette is in big trubs. I forgot this part until just now because it's not that amazing, but he is dealing with his sudden demon face, and trouncing on all of Jesus's iconography in his demon face tantrums, and now has to deal with Mommy.

Anyway, Ellers dies and Terry remembers (?) how he totally saw the ifrit rise from the flames after he personally -- that's important -- "death checked" A.K.A. "murdered" this one Iraqi lady who was just alive enough to remember her "curse Terry with an ifrit" skillz. None of which is interesting yet -- that's more of a Third Act thing, as usual with Terry and Arlene -- because...

TARA AND PAM! ARE SO AWESOME!

Tonight's episode was written by Angela Robinson, who happens to be black, and happens to be a lesbian, and happens to have written D.E.B.S., which is like my favorite movie ever. (I love it so much I remember when I watched it with my BFF/future father of my padawan, it became his and his in-a-months'-time wife's fave, and every time we got in the car "A Little Respect" would play, which is a total magic psychic reference to that movie.)

Anyway, what that means in practice is that all the privilege stuff from that first episode that drove me fucking crazy gets hogtied and backwards-fucked, even more than it did in the brilliant third episode, because we're in a safe space that is created by a brilliant black gay woman who knows where the exits are, and is a good writer on top of it. And if you didn't notice a difference, that's even better, because that's how privilege works. And that's why we need wonderful women like Raelle Tucker and Angela Robinson, because even when they're not trying, they're doing it.

So the whole question is, how is the Tara/Pam thing going to work? Because on the one hand, they need each other and love each other and I need a daughter and you need a mother and Godric's Line and all that stuff -- but on the other hand, they are both assholes. Well, how that works out is Jessica.

Do you remember how I got about Godric's suicide? That's how prepared I am to talk about this scene, where Princess Baby tells Three-Day-Old Baby (in the midst of her fifteenth racism breakdown, even) exactly how it is. It's a lesbian coming-out, it's a "sorry you died" coming out, it's a vampire thing... God, it's everything. Everything this show would be about, if this show were actually about vampires, Jess covers. Everything this show is actually about, because this show is about what it's like to be a person, Jess covers. You're looking at five pages of the recap, minimum. I cried real tears. Fat ones. Not of blood, because I'm not a vampire*, but it touched me in a Godric way.

...And then comes Hoyt, looking like a fangbang for real (*although if, because holy shit, somehow bright purple just brings out more of the Hoyt in our boy) and pulls out every stop and pushes every button, and you can see Tara thinking, "Man, if this were S1 you'd totally be just as good as Jason," and she takes him in the WC. And who's there? Jessica. So immediately Big Sis and Little Sis get into it, and that's the cliffhanger for them. But I don't give a shit. Tara, Jessica and Pam in a three-way momma/sister fight? That's so much hotter than sex. It's so good. It literally is so good.

And the whole time the Authority is piling pressure on the Boys, or wondering if there's a third problem in their ranks after the previously surprising Little Drew or the ongoing awesome shock that is fantastic Nora, you just keep thinking, "This is very interesting. But man, did I always think Tara should be the best fucking thing this show ever did. And now she is. Again, always, finally, forever."

...Until next week, when they bone her again. But somehow I trust th... No, I'll say it. I trust this season. Between the third and tonight's fifth episode (of 13, so I'm not really jumping the gun), I haven't been this excited about a season overall in a long time. Yes, Book Five people, there will be more shootings. But for now, Sam and Luna are both dying on a lawn, which already makes the shooting part more awesome. Glad to see him, and glad to see their storylines back where they belong! I actually missed old Luna!

See you next week, when Russell gets on up out of bed, Jessica and Tara fight over Hoyt for like five seconds before Pam nails them both, and Sookie continues to take care of everything. You have a week to understand why -- in this house, at least -- D.E.B.S. by a hair replaced Romy & Michelle in the Cruel Intentions/Mean Girls rewatch trifecta. Worth it.