We pick back up on Bill's porch with the two ridiculous vampires in the doorway and the bald one behind Sookie with his tongue going the usual amount of crazy. His name is Liam, the Foxy Brown one is Diane, and the goatee one with the silly accent is Malcolm (an unrecognizable Agent Schlatter, last seen experiencing the joys of home improvement first-hand on Weeds). He invites Sookie inside with all kinds of hypnotism happening in his eyeballs, and Diane is also shooting brain lasers, and finally Sookie's like, "Hey, are you trying to glamour me?" They pull up short and look at each other, and Malcolm's like, "...Yes?" She informs them, in her Liddell way, that it doesn't work on her, and Liam blurts, "Why not?" She turns back to him like this is a conversation people have, all, "I dunno, but whatever." Everybody stares at everybody else, completely flummoxed by her implacability as usual, and finally she just asks if Bill's around. His voice echoes out into the foyer as he commands them to let her in. Diane leans in, all creepy, and he barks: "Diane! Let her in." Disappointed, Diane's like, "Oh, fuck him." Malcolm giggles that she already did. I kind of love Malcolm.
As ridiculous and OTT as they are, I like them, because their props and clothes and activities pretty much span every kind of vampire we've ever seen; it's a neat twist. Malcolm is Vamp Classic, all pretension and image; Diane is the Vamp Madonna, spanning looks and personae from blaxploitation to her Jewelle Gomez/Billie Holliday roots; Liam is the postapocalyptic redneck fratboy Vamp Bubba. Just like everybody else on the show, they're trying to find somebody to be and how it fits with who they are and who they used to be. Everybody's in costume; everybody's wearing a mask in front of a camera, all the time. There's something inherently lame about vampires because they are always these drowsy bisexual polyamorous drama queens, but here it's a double-twist because no matter how hilariously lame they are -- to say nothing of the whooshy sound they make when they zoom around -- they will still kill your ass and suck your blood, and that's scary.
Sookie enters, Malcolm and Diane on either side of her; Diane darts in for a quick lick of her face, and then laughs all crazy. Diane continues to laugh like an insane four-year-old playing dressup for the rest of the scene, and in fact whenever she's onscreen. Unnecessarily, Malcolm does the fangzoom over to the door, closing it behind her. In the parlor, there's a butterface heroin girl strung out on one couch, and a gogo boy with an insane body and cutoffs lounging on the other. Bill sits in the corner in shadow.