True Blood

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: C+
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The Stackhouse Filibuster

Sam wakes up alone, with a slight headache; she's already gone, driving back home. When Tara opens the door, she's immediately clubbed over the head by a large, heavy book that's used as a weapon more often than it really should be. "Where the hell you been, you dirty whore? Out all night doing all kinds of God-know-what. You the devil, child. You ain't no child of mine..." I have to say that all anecdotal evidence would indicate that a waking Momma would be less pleasant than a passed-out Momma, and it's nice to see that confirmed.

Well, I guess not so much for Tara, who backs up in advance of Momma's next swing, causing Momma to bust ass on the floor. Tara's like, "Oh, Jesus," but Momma's fairly certain Jesus isn't interested in helping Tara at this time. "That's been clear for quite some time," Tara says ironically, towering over her mother's weakness. "You sass the Lord and I will kick your skinny ass, you hear me?" Tara reminds her that, currently, she's not even able to stand. Emboldened, brave, still high on honesty, she steels herself for bravery and says it: "...You pathetic, ugly old bitch." They are both shocked. Momma starts to cry, and Tara immediately drops to help her. "I ain't ugly," Momma whines, and I gotta say even Jesus would probably call bullshit.

"Momma, why do you wanna do this to yourself?" She clucks over her mother; she's just skin and bones and wild eyes. "If Jesus was here, he'd take one look at you and he'd apologize for giving me such a spiteful child." Tara notes that, given the stench of her, Jesus probably wouldn't make it through the door, and tries to help her up. "Now, let's just go and take a shower..." Momma spazzes out for awhile, and eventually her hands fall on an empty liquor bottle, heavy and glass, and bashes Tara across the head and into the wall. "Who's ugly now?" Jesus: "You. Times two. Keep it up, bitch."

Tara pulls it together, straightens her back, breathes deep. Says the things you just don't say. Steps outside the lines. "All right. You may have carried me and nursed me, but obviously you are now set on killing me." Given the choice between Momma and dying, Tara explains, Momma will always lose. She grits it out through tears, grabbing her keys. "You get back here! You help me up!" Nobody can. "You on your own, old woman." She leaves; it's the hardest thing she's ever done. Alone, Momma spazzes out some more. That was awful, and good. Both.

Sookie's forcing that lawnmower across the yard like she's fording a river, like she's pushing it through concrete walls. Adele calls to her from the porch -- "barely nine o'clock and already eighty degrees!" -- and gives her some fresh-squeezed lemonade. (Man, I wish my Grandmother had been like Sookie's. This whole scene would have played out like so: "I'm about to do crossword puzzles with my 9AM gimlet and I don't want any funny business, so shut that damned machine off. I have a hair appointment in an hour, you can sublimate your sexual frustration all over the lawn at that time. Now, about this vampire: is he educated? Breeding tells, Sookie.") Sookie admits that she's been landscaping since the sun came up, but she was awake well before then, masturbating herself into a coma.

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True Blood

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