True Blood

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: C+
The Stackhouse Filibuster

While Liam and Diane attempt to be menacing, touching her hair and sniffing her and generally acting like dogs at the pound, and Malcolm darkly loiters, Sookie asks them to give her a moment with Bill. Diane and Liam agree that she smells "fuckin' sweet," and Malcolm -- who is now acting something approaching normal, comparatively -- laughs at Bill. "Just five minutes ago you were telling us how you were living mainly on synthetic blood, you big poseur." Diane offers the opinion that Sookie's not a snack, and possibly a virgin, which of course pisses Sookie off: "That's none of your damn business, you nosy bitch." And Bill sits in the corner, watching how she does this. He's the camera, but she's not wearing a mask.

Diane grabs her head and calls her "cupcake," explaining that virgin blood is the best-tasting blood there is... second to baby blood. Liam pulls Sookie up against his crotch, talking about how hard he gets just thinking about baby blood. That is troubling, y'all. Malcolm, zoomiest of all vampires, reaches around and exposes Sookie's neck for Liam, so their arms are all wrapped around her and each other. They are incestuous and touch-hungry, like band geeks. "Ladies first," he chuckles, and when Diane leans down, Bill finally stands up. Everybody stares at him. "Stop! Suckie is mine."

After the excellent credits, Malcolm apologizes and backs off. The smackwhore on the couch is the unspeaking Janella, apparently your basic fangbanging familiar on her way to a bad end; she's interesting mostly because she looks scarier than any creature of the night. "That's why I always bring Jerry with me, wherever I go. He's like mad money!" He takes the gogo boy by the wrist and sits down; Jerry straddles him and snuggles in tight. "Somebody needs to get down on m'johnson," Liam says matter-of-factly, and Janella finally rises from the couch and shambles over to commence. Sookie is, of course, appalled by everything that is happening in the room, which Diane finds hilarious.

Bill reiterates, to Diane's irritation and Sookie's, about how Sookie is his, and Diane asks why she's not over in the corner servicing him: "Can't you see how hungry he is?" Malcolm looks up from Jerry's neck helpfully: "Uh Bill, if you're hungry you're more than welcome to have some of Jerry..." He taps Jerry's giant muscley back and Jerry stands up, considering Bill. Malcolm smiles, Diane laughs, Jerry prances across the room in his tiny shorts and collapses languidly against the other couch, breathing hard, stretching out an arm and offering his neck. It's all very vampire-oriented. Liam, on the other side of the room, draws a pretty obvious connection here, talking simultaneously to Janella and Bill when he grunts, "Come on, suck it!"

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True Blood




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