True Blood

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: C+
The Stackhouse Filibuster

("Okay Anna, you've just reached your boyfriend's house and realized that he lives in a coffin and isn't available, so you sit down and jerk off until he wakes up. Take one.") The phone rings, and it's Sam. Perfect! But no, she puts herself away and tells him she's on her day off. "No, I'm not asking you to come in, I need you to run by Dawn's and wake her up. She probably just overslept." Sookie sighs and heads over there. "Dawn? It's me, Sookie. Honey, you overslept..." No answer, so she opens the screen and knocks on the door. Nothing. She opens it wide, and stands in the threshold. "Dawn?" The screen door slams behind her; she enters, as is her prerogative. "Are you here?"

Dawn's got one of those alarm clocks that you can only hear when you're in the room with it and nowhere else in the house, including just on the other side of the open door; I have noticed that the people who own those peculiar alarm clocks are often found lying around totally murdered. Like Dawn. Dammit! Dawn is awesome! "Dawn? Dawn?" Neat acting moment: Sookie looks blankly at the body for awhile before the horror travels all the way up her spine... and then jumps about ten feet into the air, screaming her ass off.

And that is why you shouldn't masturbate.

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True Blood




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