True Blood

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
The Stackhouse Filibuster

Bill explains some things in a totally off-putting speech. I have no problem suspending my disbelief for any of this; it's suspending my disbelief of the words coming out of his mouth being authentic in any way. Maybe he's lying and this is all some kind of amazing actor trick, but I don't think so. I think it's a perfect storm of bad expositional dialogue that's impossible to speak aloud with any kind of conviction, asking your actor to do a weird accent on top of saying these impossible things, and maybe having an actor who thinks these lines are as stupid as ... they actually are. So Bill says he has thoughts -- "many lifetimes of thoughts," in fact -- but maybe Sookie can't hear them because he doesn't have "brain waves," because he's dead, no heartbeat, no breathing, no electrical impulses in his body: "What animates you no longer animates me." I don't think what animates Sookie Stackhouse ever animated you, Compton.

Sookie does that thing she does where she gets so fascinated she forgets to be angry or freaked out: "What does animate you, then? ...Blood? How do you digest it if nothing works?" Bill offers the suggestion that it's "magic," pissing Sookie off to no end, but he's not being condescending. At least not the way she thinks: "You think that it's not magic that keeps you alive? Just 'cause you understand the mechanics of how something works doesn't make it any less of a miracle. Which is just another word for magic. We're all kept alive by magic, Suckie. My magic's just a little different from yours, that's all." Um okay, Deepak. If any real person gave me some patronizing, slippery slope, meaningless sentimental phrase-stuffed bullshit speech like that, I would dump him immediately. Mostly in order to feel less bad about punching my boyfriend, subsequently. Let's see what Sookie does. "I think we need to stop seeing each other."

And without even a moment's hesitation, he screams. "Why!?" It sounds like a bark, like an injured beast. He's scary and weird and talks stupid, and some but not all of that "Suckie is mine" stuff was not pretend. "Because you don't breathe, you don't have any electrical whatever-it-is, your friends would like to rip my throat out, and because vampires killed that preacher from the Fellowship of the Sun Church and his wife and baby. You look me in the eye and tell me they didn't do it." Bill gets all pissy about how "humans have killed millions upon millions in senseless wars. I do not hold you responsible for that." Um, did you notice how exactly one of those five excellent reasons for dumping you actually were about you specifically? And how you just added one more by completely validating my conspiracy theories by rolling your eyes and sidestepping the question?

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True Blood

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