True Blood

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 2268 USERS: B
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The Five And A Half Minute Hallway

"All right, Stackhouse. Name your demands." Jason tells them all to leave, and he'll hand her over. Arlene laughs, and Terry calls to his troops. "All right. The order is to retreat. Immediately." There is resistance, but Terry informs them that when he gives an order they'd better fucking follow it, which is enough to get them moving. "We will unfuck this situation at a later date!" Jane Bodehouse continues to be totally amazing, all wolfish eyes and smacking lips and general craziness. Terry marches them out, and Jason hands her over before locking the door. "Oh, baby. My hero," she moans outside. "I love it when you get all military like that. Where's your guns, baby?"

Bill is barfing out Sookie's car window as they race to Lafayette's. She threatens to call Eric, if only to get ahold of Dr. Ludwig, but of course Bill's gotta bitch about that. He asks about the mysterious powers she expended on Maryann's face, but she's just as surprised by that one so she glosses past it. "It was Maryann that attacked me in the woods. Even though I don't have a scar, I could feel her there on my back when she was touching me." Honestly, the sentences that come out of Sookie's mouth. I wish somebody would make her diagram them once in a while. Bill and Sookie agree to kill Maryann, and then Bill in quick succession A) Decides to use Tara in some fashion if they can and B) Demands that Sookie hand over her wrist so he can suck on it. It hurts her. He doesn't care.

With the do-rag and the tank top, Jason's sort of dressed like Lafayette. He calls Sam and Andy out of the freezer and they do the whole thing again with checking the eyes, "If we gonna get out of here," Jason says, "We gonna need a even bigger divergence." Which, the Stackhouses, you have to love them. Of course, a keg comes flying immediately through a window, and then the zombies are right back in there. So the whole thing with the mean cunnilingus and the mustard and the nailgun accomplished apparently six seconds of calm and quiet before everything went back to the way it was, only now Jason is there and he's gotten Sam and Andy out of the freezer. Even with this pointless Benny Hill running around bullshit it's still like fifteen minutes short. I don't get it.

True Blood

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