True Blood

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 2 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
The Five And A Half Minute Hallway

Bill is barfing out Sookie's car window as they race to Lafayette's. She threatens to call Eric, if only to get ahold of Dr. Ludwig, but of course Bill's gotta bitch about that. He asks about the mysterious powers she expended on Maryann's face, but she's just as surprised by that one so she glosses past it. "It was Maryann that attacked me in the woods. Even though I don't have a scar, I could feel her there on my back when she was touching me." Honestly, the sentences that come out of Sookie's mouth. I wish somebody would make her diagram them once in a while. Bill and Sookie agree to kill Maryann, and then Bill in quick succession A) Decides to use Tara in some fashion if they can and B) Demands that Sookie hand over her wrist so he can suck on it. It hurts her. He doesn't care.

With the do-rag and the tank top, Jason's sort of dressed like Lafayette. He calls Sam and Andy out of the freezer and they do the whole thing again with checking the eyes, "If we gonna get out of here," Jason says, "We gonna need a even bigger divergence." Which, the Stackhouses, you have to love them. Of course, a keg comes flying immediately through a window, and then the zombies are right back in there. So the whole thing with the mean cunnilingus and the mustard and the nailgun accomplished apparently six seconds of calm and quiet before everything went back to the way it was, only now Jason is there and he's gotten Sam and Andy out of the freezer. Even with this pointless Benny Hill running around bullshit it's still like fifteen minutes short. I don't get it.

Terry's very spooky and in a whole other war movie now, shushing the zombies and putting down his gun on the table. "Sam Merlotte. There's no escaping, Sam Merlotte. The God Who Comes always gets what he comes for." He lights a cigarette and cocks his eyebrow: "And as for you, Jason Stackhouse. Not cool." Jason points out that no normal God would really be interested in zombie trash like the Bon Temps revelers, and Mike Spencer tosses popcorn in his buddy's mouth and says probably God will eat Jason. Or maybe they will. They laugh like hyenas, and then Sam abruptly gives some lame hero speech and stagedives backwards into their zombie arms.

They are praying super hard now, and tied-up Tara is doing it too, unceasing and freaky. Lafayette puts down his wine glass and slaps the shit out of her, but she just kind of rocks back and forth and keeps at it. "This has got to be the worst motherfucking intervention in history." There's a knock at the door and he thinks it's Sookie, but it's some V-using sorority girl who refuses to take no for an answer... Until Bill appears, scares the piss out of her, and menaces Lafayette about it. Lafayette tells him to talk to Eric about the V-selling, and makes a point of inviting Bill inside his home. After inviting him to slow his roll.

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True Blood

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