True Blood

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 2 USERS: A+
The Five And A Half Minute Hallway

Sam slithers down off his other car and comes over through the crowd asking Jason to "smite" him, but Jason can't hear him through the gas mask, so Sam ends up yelling, "Smite me, Lord. Smite me, motherfucker!" So Jason smites him finally, and the lights -- which is like Andy Bellefleur and a flashlight and some PLUR -- go crazy, and Sam vanishes. Which is confusing for his fellows, amazing for the zombies, and dangerous for the fly that Sam now is. They all jump around and cheer, and Jason tells them to report back to Maryann that he's way pleased. Jane Bodehouse goes, "Thank you, God," and he says, "You are welcome." Fake gods always have really good manners. That's how you can tell.

Terry swats at Sam, who you'd think would be getting better at flying by now, and Terry atten-huts the whole zombie squad over to Maryann's house for debriefing. ("Anybody who wants to debrief me can do so right now," Jane shouts, of course.) They run off cheering, and Jason's hot body is hot some more, and we've missed it. Dang church. Then Sam wanders out ass-naked in a Merlotte's apron and spraying a fire extinguisher on all the flares they set off. Jason's impressed, Andy swears he's done drinking, Sam's clothes are...? Probably gone with the zombies, if we're doing the whole thing.

Bill goes, "Tara, you are safe here. You have to do exactly as I say." Tara stops chanting and tells him she's not his fucking slave girl. Lafayette goes, "If ever there was a time to listen to a white man, this would be it." Lettie Mae prays uselessly. Sookie finally shoves her way in, and the black slowly trails out of her eyes, and Sookie holds onto her. The first moment is comfort, and the rest is misery and terror. She remembers everything she did, and realizes that makes her insane. She's not insane, she's in crisis, which is halfway to fixed, and they fucked that right up, but whatever. Right now, she thinks she's insane, and right now she is right. You don't go home.

Sookie pets her hair and the Jesus music plays and she cries for a million years, then sees her mom and apologizes and cries for a million more years, and then sees Lafayette and cries for a million years yet, and meanwhile Sookie wigs out because she saw the Minotaur and Maryann and how it all fits together, while she was rooting around in her poor friend's skull. Tara remembers to worry about Eggs, who is just as blameless as she is and just as scared, but Lafayette assumes the worst and bars the door. Worse and worse.

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True Blood




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