True Blood

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 2 USERS: A+
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The Five And A Half Minute Hallway

I guess it's night time now, because Bill gets out of his casket in his living room, looking hot as hell. Jason's calling in the car crash, but the police station answering machine is full. Sookie "feels" that things are super fucked up in Bon Temps, while notifying Bill of the obvious, and then worse still Maxine Fortenberry comes screaming out of a bedroom, black-eyed and monstrous, laughing cruelly: "Well, if it ain't the vamper and his vamper lover!" Jason hoots, seeing her eyes, and as she rushes down the steps toward them Hoyt follows, calling out to her. Jessica's beyond relieved that they're finally home, pointing out the obvious fact that Maxine's "gone, like, totally batshit." They kids swear they don't know what's going on with her; Hoyt thought it was just her new diet pills, but now?

They ask how long she's been like this, and Jessica says it's been a day. "And I will be, for as long as it takes for Him to get His offering!" Jason immediately identifies this oath as "fucking fucked-up," and Hoyt fills them in on the town's obsession with Sam Merlotte, "and how they're gonna offer him to God." Maxine lunges at Jason -- to Sookie's amazement and Jessica's wiser terror -- attacking him starting with her lips: "Why don't you offer yourself up to me, Jason Stackhouse? You dirty little monkey!" Which, well, I mean there's crazy and then there's crazy, and trying to fuck Jason Stackhouse isn't just a good idea but sort of mandatory.

But then, Maxine's never allowed herself to want anything. She lives in the same place as Sarah Newlin, or Sookie before Bill: She's a good southern woman, a belle in her own mind, a person who couldn't even see her own rage or hatred until it was laid out before her on the table. I wonder if that made her more susceptible to Maryann, when she finally showed up. In any case, it's not that the black eyes are making her want Jason -- anybody's eyes can do that -- or making her want to play the most violent games possible on Bill's Wii. She always wanted those things, and was never given the opportunity to express them -- she couldn't even think them. They festered: Sarah's rhetorical acrobatics turned hate into love and genocide into patriotism.

Hoyt says it doesn't calm her down, just helps her focus -- "I'm gonna crack open your fucking skull, bitch!" -- and what she focuses on is destruction, hate, rage, bloodlust, regular lust. Which is why Maryann exists, and why she will always exist: If Maxine hadn't spent her entire genteel, trashy life being "calm," she wouldn't be fucking crazy now. But if she weren't fucking crazy now, she'd have spent her entire life without once being alive. Extremes call each other into being, because the world loves only balance.

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True Blood

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