True Blood

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 2 USERS: A+
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The Five And A Half Minute Hallway

Sam heads into his haunted bar for like the eightieth time, Andy following with a flashlight, and though he can't see the people he can smell them. Andy doesn't have time to wonder what that's about before Arlene appears, smiling brightly, with a huge-ass knife in her hand. And when he asks if she's okay, she's happier than we've ever seen her, overjoyed with the love of God: "I am now! Because soon He'll be getting what's His!" They crawl out like zombies, and Andy is weirded out, and they begin praying. Andy shoots his gun as they laugh, coming out of every place, and they just laugh at him. Nothing new there.

Terry grabs his arm, and it goes shooting off into the bar. "Hey, at least shoot the cheap liquor! Bottom shelf, bottom shelf!" Arlene shouts; he takes the gun and drops Andy. "We call this move 'stress inoculation,'" he explains, shooting out random glass and things, and then a guy in the arm. He's worried a moment, but when the man laughs they all begin to laugh. Terry's madness is the war; his sanity is also the war. He's better prepared for this than any of them, because this world -- madness, killers everywhere, chaos and no accountability -- is not substantially different from what he knows. You don't go home.

Sam takes his moment and grabs Andy, busting free of a bubba and heading for the back door before ending up in the kitchen. He hauls Andy over the counter, toward the freezer, but they snatch at his feet, laughing. "Cut his feet off!" they shout, and he finally kicks free. They jump in the freezer, and lock it from inside. Outside, Terry calls them all to attention: "We have our EPW right where we want him. And there ain't no place for him to go." Which, he explains to Jane Bodehouse, means that they've secured the target. "Mission accomplished!" he shouts, and they cheer like a battleship full of retards. He orders "Bodehouse" to call Maryann, while inside the freezer Sam and Andy worry about the fact that they can't actually fight back: these are their friends and neighbors and cousins. Jane rushes to the payphone, but gets distracted: "For a good time, call Peanut." She hoots to herself, because she does love a good time, and completely forgets Maryann altogether.

"It burns where I'm tied up," Tara complains, black-eyed and struggling. "It burns like fire, Mama!" Lettie Mae worries over her, protesting that the bonds aren't doing any good, but Lafayette assures her that it's in everybody's best interest to keep those insane arms tied up. "Tell your mama what you need," Lettie Mae says, stroking her daughter's face; Tara is still for a moment before headbutting her viciously, and going into another round of hysterics. Okay, that was kind of awesome.

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True Blood

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