Eric's plan is so complicated at this point I just can't even say what's up. I still don't know what the "Don't trust Bill" thing is about -- although it's interesting that he probably doesn't know just how indebted to Sookie Bill is right now, having killed her a little bit on the way home -- but I think it's safe to say that nobody knows about Hadley's run to Bon Temps to warn Sookie in advance of Russell's visit, which Eric needs him to do so he can be alone with Talbot, but then coincidentally it ends up not mattering that Sookie ignored Hadley's message, because...

We'll get there. For now: Talbot, do you feel like bitching? Of course you do. About the usual, I presume? Yes. Russell is, like in every episode to date, off on an errand. And frankly a bit disinterested in Talbot's boilerplate whining about his loneliness: "In a giant mansion, with all the blood you can drink, and all the vampire boys you could possibly want. Oh, poor Talbot. Are your diamond slippers chafing?" Talbot whines about how Russell's just collecting people -- the Queen, this telepath -- and hurting his stupid feelings and whatever and generally making my ears bleed like I stayed up past my bedtime. Somebody just fucking kill him already. Please?

Oh. Eric. You are my hero, as usual. Just as Talbot's worked his way through the collection destroying things and finally reached the Viking crown, Eric zooms over and grabs his wrist. "I know I'm a poor substitute, but I would be honored to keep you company." Talbot wavers -- this didn't work out in his favor last time he tried to play it -- but Russell knows just how to play it: "That sounds like fun. I am positively jealous!" Well, of course that's all Talbot needed to hear, so he's into it. Russell catches Eric's eye over Talbot's shoulder and mouths a silent, intimate "Thank you." Eric grins at them, first one then the other, but when he turns to place the crown back on its shelf there's no smile there at all.

Crystal and Jason are on the couch in a post-coital situation talking about how she's never had a job besides "cooking," which of course she has to clarify for him, and then he pulls up his undies and starts in about how the Hotshotters are not going to get her back or kill him. She can almost believe him when he says it, because that's how the Stackhouses operate: By saying things so death-defyingly dumb that you have to go along with it or your brain will explode. For her part, Crystal is playing some really subtle tones here: You honestly believe she's this sheltered, that she really did grow up on an insular compound and doesn't actually understand very much about the real world. It's very sympathetic; there's something about the innocence of her laughter and the way he delights her that tells you more about who she is than any of the facts. Crystal's tummy growls like a panther and he offers to go pick up some food, carrying her bodily into the shower and then grabbing his gun and heading out to do whatever dipshitty thing is on his evershifting agenda of dipshitty activities at the moment.