"You are 3000 years old and a King, yet you hide behind guards, wolves, a baby vampire. Are you a coward? Or are you just lazy?" Bill always plays the class card, doesn't he? Russell shoves Jessica toward the woods and she goes zooming away, the Swayzewolf nipping at her heels, and suddenly Russell's got Bill on the ground and he's grinding the side of his silver spur into Bill's face and telling him Northman was right: He's a waste of the blood. That is so true! Love him or hate him -- and this year yes, I totally love him -- but for all his virtues, Bill Compton is still the worst excuse for a vampire you could possibly imagine.

Upstairs, they're hitting each other with chairs and shoving each other's heads into the walls and doing flying wrestler jumps onto each other. There's choking and badness and then all of a sudden Sookie grabs a pair of silver scissors and gashes Debbie's down one side. Daaaaaaamn, Stackhouse! Debbie screams and starts crying with this particular note in her voice like she can't believe it. She cries like a girl, not like in a sexist way but like for a second she sounds like a teenage girl, crying and hurt. It's awful to hear. It's also awful to look at, the giant gash that she still can't quite believe just happened and the blood pouring out of it, and Sookie with that gun again, pointing it right in her face while Bill gets his ass soundly and roundly kicked downstairs.

Meanwhile in Jackson, Eric and Talbot are very naked and very all over each other, but then before you know it, and it's not really important how they get there, but so like Eric's got Talbot... In a position such that... Basically Talbot can't really, like, see what Eric's up to. Behind him. Okay? And then Eric grabs that scroll of Japanese vampire erotica from the other day and says, "Russell took my family. Now I take his." And Talbot realizes that he has been had in a whole other way, and he screams and freaks out, but it's too late, and now Talbot is dead, dead, dead.

Russell stops kicking the everloving shit out of Bill for a second and then gets really sad and really scared and goes flying up into the sky like a rocket, shouting Talbot's name. Eric was so afraid, of feeling this.

Bill stares, and upstairs Sookie invites Debbie to leave, and then shoots the wall by her face, and then Debbie grins and goes flying out the window and runs off in the form of a wolf. Bill sprints up the stairs -- I guess he can only think about one of his girls or the other at a time? -- and they say "I love you" a million times and he apologizes a million times, because today was a really hard day: They only broke up like 24 hours ago and it did not improve their lives very much at all. Their love theme as they kiss starts slow, and sweet, but it goes darker and darker until it's gone altogether.