True Blood

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
Without Stadium Love

By all means, let's have a change of scene. You know what would be cooler than watching the most beloved character on the show make out with the Hottest Man On Television? Watching Eric playing literal chess with fuckin' Talbot. Of course he checkmates, and of course Talbot sweeps the pieces off the board, and then Talbot minces, "I'm bored. Take off your clothes." He chases the guards out of the room with an actual hiss, and Eric drops his shirt and they growl and kiss really awkwardly. That face coming at your face, I can't imagine what that's like; it's even worse when he's acting "horny." But this is what was always going to happen, and it can only lead to one place, so I support it wholeheartedly. Urge it on. When Eric says it's been awhile, he's not talking about men, he says: He's talking about vampires. Honey, you're still barely talking about either.

Jason is not in fact multitasking by going over to fight with Bill in the middle of his date; instead, he has taken a gun to Hotshot and is now waving the thing all over the place. A banjo radio station brings him to one shack in particular, and a big old trail of blood, which leads in turn to a groaning naked man eating the guts out of a deer. When he notices Jason standing there, he hisses like a jungle cat, and Jason runs. Just as he's heading back to his truck, Cal comes back from Merlotte's and gets Jason's whole speech about how Crystal ain't never coming back there and they ain't never going near her again and he's gonna leave Crystal the fuck alone or imaginary cop Jason is going to do something terrible to their hillbilly freak show, and he leaves. And Calvin, there is something in his eyes that says maybe love is real sometimes, and -- I think -- that Crystal might have chosen right after all. Maybe nobody gets out after all.

Sookie's in the guest room with her gun when the howling starts. Two wolves, with Debbie laughing and looking gorgeous, arrive; she kicks the door open for them. Bill meets one, and they fight; Debbie smells Sookie and heads upstairs. Jessica appears for the other wolf, waving coquettishly. "Hi," she says, girl meeting her first dream date at the door. Upstairs, Debbie knocks on the door and makes a "I'll huff and I'll puff" joke, and then kicks it off its hinges. Sookie explains she's not totally into killing Debbie, but does want to point out that her life issues are the results of her choices. Still in there fighting, Stackhouse. I admire that so much.

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True Blood

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