True Blood

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
Without Stadium Love

So then why not shoot? Because there are people who -- for some reason -- love Debbie, and that would be sad. Debbie says that yes, Sookie is very "noble and shit," but that (and this part is true) the only reason Sookie associates with vampires and werewolves is because her own kind rejects her: "They know you're nothing but a freak!" she shouts, and attacks. They've both had a lot of V, of course, but Debbie scores the first point by reminding Sookie she drank it out of a half-dead Bill Compton. And then it is on.

They fight and they fight and they fight, and it's awful and sort of awesome, because it's not stunt actresses and so it's a bit more awkward than usual. But also, Sookie Stackhouse fights real vicious-like, which I wasn't expecting and makes me happy. Good thing Russell told Debbie not to kill her, or else Sookie would be wolfbait right now, but still: They both come out looking pretty bad-ass. The first time Debbie punches Sookie, she licks the blood off her lips and her eyes go sort of insane, and it's amazing.

Downstairs, Bill's finished off one of the wolves when he hears the chick-fighting upstairs; Jessica's annoyed when the other one goes running outside -- "Hey, get back here!" she yells -- and chases him out. Bill screams for her to stay inside, since this is an army of werewolves and vampires, but it's too late. Now there's screaming upstairs and outside, because Russell's out there and he's got Jessica by the throat. Bill barely spares a look up the stairs before following her out. "I take it this is yours?" Bill worries and yells, and Russell offers to hand over Jessica for Sookie. Bill isn't having that either. Russell drinks from Jessica's neck, and she screams and it's awful.

"You are 3000 years old and a King, yet you hide behind guards, wolves, a baby vampire. Are you a coward? Or are you just lazy?" Bill always plays the class card, doesn't he? Russell shoves Jessica toward the woods and she goes zooming away, the Swayzewolf nipping at her heels, and suddenly Russell's got Bill on the ground and he's grinding the side of his silver spur into Bill's face and telling him Northman was right: He's a waste of the blood. That is so true! Love him or hate him -- and this year yes, I totally love him -- but for all his virtues, Bill Compton is still the worst excuse for a vampire you could possibly imagine.

Upstairs, they're hitting each other with chairs and shoving each other's heads into the walls and doing flying wrestler jumps onto each other. There's choking and badness and then all of a sudden Sookie grabs a pair of silver scissors and gashes Debbie's down one side. Daaaaaaamn, Stackhouse! Debbie screams and starts crying with this particular note in her voice like she can't believe it. She cries like a girl, not like in a sexist way but like for a second she sounds like a teenage girl, crying and hurt. It's awful to hear. It's also awful to look at, the giant gash that she still can't quite believe just happened and the blood pouring out of it, and Sookie with that gun again, pointing it right in her face while Bill gets his ass soundly and roundly kicked downstairs.

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True Blood

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