True Blood

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: B
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Without Stadium Love

In Jason's dumb head is even more dumb stuff -- Shut up brain stop thinking she's gonna find out... -- and Sookie asks him about why he's being all secretive. Also, she implies, he is being a trashy racist and that Gran would not approve. Yes, exactly: Find more ways to question his masculinity, that's exactly how you make boys stop acting stupid. So now Jason's got a three-pronged plan for becoming a man. Number one, atone for Eggs: The Cop Thing. Number two, stop being a boy-man whore and settle down like you're supposed to: The Crystal Thing. Number three, now, protect his sister since he never seems able to pull that off: This Bill Thing. That's precisely three more thoughts than he's ever had rolling around in there. I am sure it will be fine.

Lafayette massages Tara's feet and asks her if she's ready to talk about her experiences thus far in the season. I say quid pro quo, Clarice. Maybe you could offer her a little tale about the time a vampire tied you up and tortured you and starved you and scared you to death and eventually fed you his blood, and how now you can feel him inside you all the time.

Well, since Lafayette doesn't know that happened to Tara and she doesn't know that happened to him, there's not really a way to get there. Important thing is, in case you weren't bludgeoned over the head with this the past two weeks just like old Mr. Mott: Tara no longer has a death wish. She has a kicking ass wish, and a hating vampires wish, and acting like a bitch like usual wish, but no suicides. They hang out on her bed and go back to being generally phenomenal people with more in common than they know.

Sam smells the stink of a sad-eyed Mickens dog outside, and then before you know it he's got a naked mommy on his porch. She packs up her junk and tells her sons she totally supports them ditching her and her horrible husband with that usual clear-eyed recognition of how sucky she is. Tommy points out that her husband is horrible by any measure and that there's nothing really keeping her with him; as usual, she worms her way out of this question. (Is it possible, someone at TV Night was asking, that Joe Lee has Cesar Milan'd her and she actually doesn't have a choice? That would be intriguing. The Trash Whisperer.)

Anyway, Momma Mickens knows why they hate her and she hates herself and blah blah, but that man's your daddy and also she loves them and the usual shit. It all just sounds like nothin', and not because the writing or acting are bad: It does what it's supposed to do, which is make you completely tired of her old bullshit. She kisses Tommy goodbye and it's creepy, and she tells them to take care of each other and takes off, pathetically lugging this huge suitcase out the door and eventually asking Sam for money. Yeah. Does she approve of the amount? She does not. Does Sammy give a shit? He does not. (Secretly he does; as my friend Monique pointed out, loyalty is a dog's best trait and he's been playing that game as long as he's been on this show. Which means it's going to be the thing that brings him down.) Tommy weeps, and Sam takes care of him, and it's just the brotherly Hobbit-on-Hobbit action you've been waiting for.

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True Blood

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