The wheel beneath Fangtasia! keeps turning. Royce has not shut up since he arrived last night. "Some people think I'm an asshole," he blurts, and Lafayette's surprise is underrehearsed and overcooked. "It's true! I pick fights with strangers, I've cussed out old ladies. I even pissed in my boss's coffee once." Lafayette tells him it's not necessary or called for to tell him this shit, but he keeps going. Royce asks what they do instead of talking, then, and Lafayette admits that mostly he thinks about how he got there. "All the shit I've done in my life -- the drugs, the sex, the website -- I did it so my life wouldn't be a dead end. And this is where I end up?" He rattles his chain, frustrated by the punchline.
"Well see, that's why we've got to talk. We have to tell each other all the shit we've done. That way, if one of us gets out, he can tell the world about both of us." Royce starts to cry, this time in real panic. "I just hope it's me." Heh. Lafayette says that if it'll make him feel better, by all means keep babbling. "When I was twenty, my cousin Rufus, he was going out with this girl who claimed she could crush a beer can. With her tits. And one night, when we were alone, I asked her to show me. One beer can lead to another, and before you knew it, she was crushing my head. With her tits. Rufus came home, and he was so mad he threw me out of the window. My hip shattered into a million pieces, and they replaced it with metal. My ass is magnetic now..."
The tawdry, boring nature of Royce's indiscretions have pushed Lafayette too far. "I pray to God you ain't the last motherfucker I meet before I die," he sighs, but Royce isn't done. What about Lafayette? No regrets? "Well, I got in trouble with my boss once for punching out three stupid rednecks at the bar." Oh, the AIDSburger. Finest moment ever filmed in Merlotte's. Royce laughs, and asks if he really regrets it; of course he doesn't. "Yeah. Hey, I'm sorry I hassled you for being gay. I was an asshole about it." Lafayette, I can't even tell if he's being sarcastic, maybe he can't either anymore: "Well, at least I got through to you." Either way, it's funny. "If it makes you feel any better, when I was fifteen, at Safety Patrol Camp, I let my bunkmate blow me." Royce weeps, and the sheer gorgeous eloquence with which Lafayette casts his eyes to heaven could make you cry just as hard.