True Blood

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: B+
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Eric smiles joyfully at Bill, with his, "I don't think about the taste of TruBlood, it's sustenance," and as usual Bill doesn't understand irony or delight until it's explained to him: "If you're their poster boy, the mainstreaming movement is in very deep trouble. TruBlood: It keeps you alive, but it will bore you to death." Bill sits, following his lead, and asks to cut to the chase. Specifically, what is the Sheriff of Area Five going to do about the vamp-on-vamp crime that just happened? "I'll take the girl," Eric suggests, and Bill -- too fast to stop himself, and despairing the second he's said it -- shouts, "No!" Eric looks at him appraisingly, as though any of this is a surprise to him at all, and Bill shakes his head, looking down. "You can have anyone you want, why do you want her?" Um, because she's magic? Eric is like, "You totally like her in that way!" and Bill refuses to answer: "Sookie Must Be Protected." Eric grins, talking about shit we don't get but with vocalized capitals flying: "Now, that sounds like an Edict. But it couldn't be, because I would know about that." Bill won't look at him, because to look would be to answer the question Eric already knows the sunshine-sucking answer to. He tells Bill to admit his love for Sookie, but he changes the subject again: "If I hadn't done what I did, would you have let his disloyalty stand?" Eric points out that whatever he did do, he wouldn't have done it in front of witnesses, especially vampire ones, because Eric is smarter than Bill, because Eric watches Gossip Girl, which is to say Eric knows that the difference between what we do in front of people and what we do when we're alone is as different as night and day and life and death, especially for the undead. Bill feels dumb, which he should, because Gossip Girl is awesome.

Not so awesome is the bullshit Jason's doing, which is a truism but is true right this second because what he's doing is driving with Eddie trussed up in his truckbed, moaning and screaming, hurting all over, bound in silver for no crime larger than his existence and his desire. "All I'm saying is, Lafayette didn't have to kidnap him. And I'm pretty sure he left with some V..." Amy laughs and tells him he's free to take the Lafayette route, if he's got the balls to blow a vamp. Jason realizes, for the fifth time, that this is not Amy's first ride on the junkie depersonalization/compartmentalization train, and she's like, "What? Who? Hey look, something shiny! Sound of jingling keys! Get the mouse, Murray! Here's my boob!" He tells her that the giant purse, or "Big Bag O' Crazy," was her giveaway, because "any woman with a purse that big is bound to have something in it" he never wanted to know about, and she's like, "Ooh, I'm sleepy... Listen to the radio!"

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True Blood

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