True Blood
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Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 5 USERS: B-
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My Early Life

The Godrics immediately appear without knocking, because A) Vampires are rude and B) Eric still -- to Racist Ghost Corbett's shame -- owns Adele's house.

Sookie: "Tara! Can we be friends again yet?"
Tara: "Whatever."
Jason: "Oh, man! I totally forgot you died last week and got turned into a vampire and now you're a stripper. That whole thing just slipped my mind."
Tara: "Again, whatever."
Ghosts: "Faaaaangers! Raaaaaacism!"
Jason: "I know. Just wait until I'm like ten percent more crazy."

Eric: "So we just busted out of the Vampire Vatican after trying for about ten episodes in a row to escape, and we're wondering if..."
Nora: "Heeey there, Sookie..."
Eric: "-- Quit. So we're wondering if you'd like to come with us to go immediately back there."

Jason: "Will I be allowed to kill vampires?"
Eric: "Baby, you can kill 'em all."
Jason: "I'm in. Sook?"
Sookie: "Um, maybe. But why?"
Eric: "Right, sorry. They have Jessica, whom you love, and they have Pam, whom I love..."

(Tara: "-- Me too. The only thing more inevitable than the two gay characters on this no-longer-very-gay show getting together is the two bisexual chicks that wear leather. Pretend to be shocked by this shit later. Also, I'm going to passive-aggressively remind you several times that you owe Pam for bringing me back to life, for which I'm still acting like I resent you, even though I totally don't, basically because I like to hurt feelings.")

Eric: "Oh and PS, Bill has joined an apocalyptic death cult and might be bringing about the end of the world and I was thinking, if I show him you, maybe he'll turn back into a total pussy."
Sookie: "That does sound highly likely. Sold."

AUTHORITY

Bill: "[The longest, bitchiest, cuntiest speech about how the vampire guard people can't catch even a housefly, which asks us the question, Why the fuck would you pick to be a vampire guard and get pissed on all night by the sucky likes of sucky Bill Compton when you could be out in the world being a vampire, having sex forever and ever, until the end of time.]"

NEST BEHAVIOR

Salome: "Have you seen Chancellor Candyman? I need to murder him real quick."
Bill: "That's so weird! I was just murdering him earlier."

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True Blood

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