True Blood
Save Yourself

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 5 USERS: B-
My Early Life

Maurella: "Cool. I'm going to pour this entire canister of table salt in my face because of elemental magic, or really just to be doing something weird in the background of this scene."

Jane Bodehouse: "Hey, remember that time you fucked me doggy-style in Maryann's yard with my head in a coconut custard pie?"
Andy: "No, I do not."
Jane Bodehouse: "No, you did! Later on I cut off my finger for no reason in Adele Stackhouse's kitchen sink. I remember, because Coroner Mike Spencer was masturbating on her floor to the idea of being a corpse, and he grabbed Sookie's foot, because of her toes."
Andy: "This show is pretty rad."

Holly: "Bitch, tell me you did not have sex with Jane Bodehouse."
Andy: "No! She's just incredibly drunk."
Jane Bodehouse: "That part is also true!"

Holly: "Anyway, gross me out. I would hate it if you ever slept with anybody else while you were dating me."
Andy: "Funny you should say that. I have a most amusing coincidence to report..."
Holly: "Oh, man. I knew you were too good to be true."
Jane Bodehouse: "I know, isn't that weird? Andy Bellefleur got super hot!"
Everybody Ever: "We've been saying it all season, you old drunk."

Andy: "Holly, I've brought you over here to the pool table where Sam did it with Daphne that one time to tell you that I have knocked up a crazy person. We did it during the last season finale, and another time this show keeps saying we did it but they are lying. I guess it was when we went to the Faerielande! Caberet, which means I did cheat on you that second time."
Holly: "Well, ain't that a pisser."
Andy: "She says her 'kind' don't 'whelp' in hospitals..."

Maurella starts screaming with fairy light shooting out of her vagina and my friend Erik goes, "Oh my God, did her light just break?"

Maurella: "My light broke!"
Erik: "Boom."


Bill and Salome do it. It is still super interesting to watch them doing it. Not even they seem particularly into it, but I guess that is because they are secretly also thinking about killing each other the whole time so they can be Vamper Jesus on each other. That might be putting a crimp in their always-scintillating love times. Suddenly, he twists her head all the way around! Just kidding, they do it regular.

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True Blood




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