Best one so far, I think. Coming back from the Hamby's house -- where Bill has glamoured them hard (and hopefully made Jessica's dad less of a creep) -- Bill and Sookie have a giant fight. She runs off after one taste too many of Bill's ugly paternalistic side, and is of course immediately attacked by a mysterious minotaurean creature that looks disturbingly like Jamiroquai.
While Sookie lies around groaning and bleeding grossly just like every other episode, it is determined that the scratches on her back contain a Komodo-like and agonizing paralytic, presumably the sort used on Miss Jeanette before it took her heart. Watching Sookie cough up disgusting white gunk makes Bill fall back in love with her, while Eric sends Chow and Pam (in her favorite pumps!) to find the monster. Eric's delightful dwarven house doctor Dr. Ludwig burns out Sookie's infection with acid while Bill holds her down.
Of course, now that he's saved her life it's assured Sookie will take Eric's Dallas job, especially after a disconcerting experience with Ginger reveals the still-mortal Lafayette's continued dungeon visit. She goes the eff off on Eric, buying L's freedom with her promise. A long talk about how maybe vampires aren't like cuter versions of bunny rabbits causes Sookie to reevaluate this shit, but it probably won't really register.
Eric makes it perfectly crystal clear that he would like to have lots and lots of sex with Lafayette, because Eric is the king of really good ideas, but less awesome is Lafayette's total state of PTSD. Finally home, be drops the brave face, curls up on his couch, and cries like a baby for I'm guessing several weeks.
Jason's still heaving and sweating half-naked, but since it's at the Light of Day retreat he's doing it solo; no-homo dreams of Eddie and nervous bunkroom prayers irk the Lukinator even worse than before. A group-therapy cult indoctrination helps Jason admit his doubts about the FOL's hateful agenda, not to mention his positive connections to vamps like Bill and Eddie; Sarah Newlin immediately brings him right back into the church with flattery and rhetoric, just enough truth, and the sad story of her own sister's fangbanger death. Dinner at the Newlins gets kinda bi, but not in the good way, and so Jason ends up in their guestroom, blueballs glowing like the sun.
Post-drunken riot at Merlotte's, Sam goes off on Daphne and Tara and leaves the bar to Terry, who points out what a total coward he's being. Tara asks Maryann why Sam totally fucking hates her; she pretends innocence but lays on the jealousy thing thick, making Sam the bad guy. One last romp with Dean the dog leads to a romantic midnight swim with adorable Daphne (Google Daphnis, not Daphne, if you're following the Maryann stuff), who carries the scars of a Jamiroquai bite her own self.
Renewed affections with Eggs are the highlight of a party that evening, which starts with acoustic guitar and ends with: fat naked Louisianans fucking, a disappearing/reappearing quantum pig, black-eyed threesomes everywhere, bacchant insanity, Andy more adorably befuddled than ever, and Tara freaking the fuck out because swingers are nasty as hell.
Best of all, a bored Jessica heads to Merlotte's and, just as we suspected, gets Hoyt's beautiful heart in her hands immediately. They are adorable as hell, turning at least one cynic's heart inside out with the power of their beautiful true-love romance. It is the greatest thing that ever happened in the history of human life. (Oh, Hoyt. Now do you see why I love him? Jesus.) So she takes him home, accidentally pops premature fang, and then heads for second. Sadly, Bill and Sookie come home and nearly pass out parentally from all the semiotics in play: Your daughter making out with a boy is bad, but a human making out with a teen vampire is bad in the exact opposite direction. Wonder who Bill's going to spank first?
Next week: our nation's birthday and a three-ep marathon. In two weeks, Bill and Sookie finally go to Dallas to track down Godric, Maryann reacts to Tara's decision to move out, Daphne gets more mysterious and awesome, and things get weird(er) at Light Of Day.
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see who vlogger Sean Crespo thinks Bill will hook up with next in No Prior Knowledge!
Want more? The full recap starts right below!
You can tell Bill's pissed, because his mouth is making the same face as always but his eyes aren't doing that sympathetic eyebrow thing. That equals mad. Also, passive-aggressively driving superfast with your scared girlfriend next to you and your sniveling bleeding-eyed daughter in the backseat. Sookie yells at him to stop it, and he pulls over, finally, although with vampire reflexes I'm sure driving that fast is perfectly safe. Like when they go zooming superfast like that, they probably bump into things really rarely.
Sookie apologizes for taking Jessica to murder her family, but... Bill immediately jumps up her ass about his favorite topic under the moon: "She is vampyre! She has no family!" Jessica, not understanding that this is now all about rhetoric and semantics, because it's Bill and Sookie and if they don't have a fight every six minutes they'll both die, jumps in there saying the meanest thing she can think of: "I'm a monster and I'm gonna be alone forever! Because of you!"
Which is masterful on several levels, because not only is it about how he's totally guilty about Jessica even existing, but manages to score an indirect hit off his obsessive relationship with Sookie, which is intense precisely because they're each other's one shot.
(And on the meta-Jessica level, awesome because it presages her finding her own version of Bill/Sookie, and all the gender and sexual reversals that arise from that, not only thematically but as actual, kitchen-sink foreshadowing: "I'm going to be alone forever," she says, working off the powerful loneliness of -- can you imagine? -- Bill Compton and Sookie Stackhouse being literally the only other people in her life.)
He tells her to shut up as she continues to whine, and she tells him to eat shit, awesomely, so he says it in his Vampyre Lord Maker Daddy voice, which shoves her physically back into the seat cushions. He tries to explain to Sookie how many different ways she fucked up. "You undermined my authority as her maker. You risked those peoples' safety and your own. If I had not glamoured them within an inch of their sanity, our lives would have been shattered." Sookie's like, "Dude! Gotcha! My bad!" He asks her what use her apologies are, and she asks him what use being a big baby about it is now, and she's like, "Okay, but also my Gran died, sad face, so let's think about that for a second." Bill says, very logically, that the fact her Gran went down in a storm of blood that Sookie cleaned up with her own two hands is not admissible for this fight, and calls her an "irresponsible child," which amazes Sookie, because it's amazing, because when you're dating somebody literally one-twentieth your age, you can't say that shit. "She is a loaded gun, Sookie. Not a doll for you to dress up and play with."
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24Next
Television Without Pity • © 2013 Bravo Media LLC • A Division of NBCUniversal •
Comments