True Blood

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
Sex & Candy

Bill comes in with a huge, sweet, relieved smile and throws himself on Sookie, which she accepts gratefully, but with an asterisk in her eyes. She can't possibly be mad about their Jessica fight still, and he assures her none of that matters at all, which is I guess a pretty good apology for calling her a child, but she's done being mad about that. Because now it's all about vampires and how they suck, and not the good way. "You're right, I'm alive and in one piece. Unlike my friend Lafayette, who Eric chained up like an animal and left to bleed to death!" Of course -- because what isn't a pretext for them to lecture each other about basic shit? -- she goes off. "You better not have known anything about this, Bill Compton, because if you did, I don't think I could ever forgive you!" He is, of course, bumfuzzled. We need a superhero to explain it!

"The human that traded sexual services with a vampire in order to sell his blood," Eric says, suddenly appearing and looking awesome. "Which, as you know, is a grave offense." Sookie zooms over to yell up at him, and she's soooo tiny and he's sooo big and it's sooo awesome. She's like the Owen Meany of rural New Orleans. "HIS NAME IS LAFAYETTE AND YOU OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF FOR WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO HIM." Then there is a huge slap, which almost gives Bill the vapors, and everybody -- including Sookie, who hides it well -- assumes that Sookie is about to be eaten, starting with her head.

"I'm glad you're feeling better," Eric says, after letting her twist for a while, and compliments the bright red t-shirt's flattering color, because vampires are gross and don't draw lines between sex and food so he's calling her vampbait just for wearing red. She tells him to go to hell, and Bill is once more horrified, but Sookie Meany is not done. "OH IT'S NOT NEARLY ENOUGH THEY'VE TORTURED HIM AND BITTEN HIM AND SHOT HIM AND KEPT HIM DOWN THERE IN HIS OWN FILTH FOR WEEKS." She refuses to look away from Eric, who reminds Bill that there are plenty who would and have done worse. Which is not the point, and anyway it's a little too close to the FOL fallacy for me. Sookie starts yelling about how Eric best fix this or else, and finally he snaps.

"I do not respond well to threats," Eric says, fanging right up in Sookie's face, and she shivers. He chills out immediately, although the fangs aren't going anywhere, and makes her an offer, with a crooked smile. Please, like she wasn't already going to Dallas. I guess he's just really that desperate to find Godric. I wonder why that is, don't you?

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True Blood

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