True Blood

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A-
Sex & Candy

Bills feels it and his eyes get wide and he runs! She doesn't move, but she does groan horribly when he turns her over, and she's like, "Sort of a bull, sort of a human, I don't know, I'm fucked up." Or whatever, that same thing but in the language of grunts and burbles. So he does the whole DRINK BEFORE THE WOUND CLOSES thing, but it turns out not so great this time, and for whatever reason his vampire blood is vinegar and the Jamiroquai venom is baking soda and that makes Sookie a third-grade volcano erupting in white barfy foam.

Jessica's like, "GROSS! And AWESOME!" Bill tells her to get the car, and she drives superfast to Fangtasia! and then Jessica gets all pissy when he tells her to go home. Which, Fangtasia! is awesome, that's where you get Eric and Pam, so I understand her being sullen about it, but also: what's the point? I guess because the club's probably not empty, so he'd have to watch out for both of them, and he's too consumed by the all-consuming consumption of Sookie to deal. He throws that "maker" thing around like Mardi Gras beads some more -- which, again, how is this different from before? -- and she sullenly drives off.

Daphne comes into Sam's office, scared to death, and he's still staring into space due to the whole Maryann issue where she turned him into a dog and all that. Daphne's scared because she's short. As in very, as in $64 ("and, like, eight cents"), which is a whole lot actually. "Goddamnit, Daphne!" he yells, and she jerks, and he apologizes but says she'll have to make up for it. Almost crying, she empties out her apron onto the table, crushed bills and coins, and leaves crying. Tara appears with that smug Maryann wisdom smile on her face and explains to Sam that Daphne needs positive reinforcement: "Nobody succeeds at anything in life unless somebody leads them," Tara says.

Which is bullshit, and the first thing the whole Maryann and Tara Dog & Pony Show have said that I actually disagree with. The grossest thing in the world is finding yourself in a position where you're selling self-reliance, and the people can come and say, "Please! Tell us more about how to think for ourselves!" I mean, that's nasty on accident. But Maryann, maybe she's doing it on purpose. Which is sick, especially because -- like Amy, or the Newlins -- she has a lot to offer that doesn't lead there. On the other hand, without worship Gods just start wheezing and forgetting where they parked the car, so I guess the rules are a little different here.

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True Blood




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